Going to Canada (TMI version)

12/08/08: The end of transition

2008-12-08T16:55:00.002-05:00

It's been almost a year since we landed in Canada. Just another month to go and we will have been around the calendar in Toronto. The purpose of this blog -- to document our transition -- is pretty much complete. So, I'll try to briefly bring the story up to the present and then say good-bye.

We are all settled in our third and permanent apartment. We started sleeping there in early September, and the unpacking and rearranging continued for another couple of months. We acquired a couple of new pieces of furniture -- a dining room dish cabinet, several bookcases (some free at curbside), and a table to use as a kitchen work island. We had our first dinner party in October, and then we hosted an Election Night (U.S.) party for other bi-national queer couples in Toronto. We like the apartment pretty well, certainly well enough to not contemplate moving all of this stuff again for a long time!

Recently, we managed to find a family doctor who was accepting new patients, and so we began a relationship with the Canadian health system, and have been pleased. No money changes hands, all records are computerized nationally, and we have not encountered any sloppy care or long waits, so far.

We finally did buy bikes. Fumiko got a one-speed with a basket through her Japanese electronic bulletin board for $40, and I traveled the hour and a half to Scarborough and got a nice folding bike for $95, three-speed with luggage rack and kickstand. I am very happy with mine, Fumiko less so, as hers has one hand brake plus foot brakes, which she has never used before and finds confusing. However, either or both is handy for quick trips here or there, together or separately; Fumiko rides hers to school once or twice a week.

Over the Canadian "Thanksgiving weekend" (I can't really take it seriously yet, being October 13 this year -- same day as U.S. Columbus Day), we got up very early one morning and biked to the nearby Humber River, which is reputed to have salmon swimming upstream in the fall. By patiently watching, we did indeed see several large fish attempting to leap up the several-foot-high "steps" in the river. None were successful, but it was thrilling to see them try repeatedly.

Fumiko continues her part-time job and ESL classes. This fall, she and two of her classmates entered a spelling bee contest for ESL students. They had a list of 300 words to learn (like irrelevant, secretaries, seize, and conscientious). I told her -- and her classmates, when I volunteered occasionally to help coach them -- that these are hard not just for immigrants, but for native speakers, too. That if you stopped a Canadian on the street at random, they could probably only get 50% of them right. Anyway, it was really good for Fumiko's English, even if she didn't win. She got her picture in the newspaper: http://www.thestar.com/article/520889

It is still being difficult to impossible for Fumiko to find a full-time job in her chosen field, which is very discouraging. She may have to shift fields, from caring for the developmentally disabled (what she did in Japan) to something in food preparation (a major interest and pleasure of hers). Also, winter is coming -- we've had a couple of snows already, though only one that "stuck" -- and Fumiko is still not used to the Canadian winters. So, for her this Canadian life is still a struggle.

For me, I am retired and I find a lot to amuse me -- Toronto is not so different from New York, just smaller and gentler. I attend academic meetings at the U of T from time to time, and I keep up with two women's book groups, go square dancing, and see some theatre and the odd art gallery. We went to the newly re-opened AGO (Art Gallery of Ontario) a few weeks ago and enjoyed it, and the fireworks at City Hall at the end of November were wonderful. The exchange rate is now in my favor, so my U.S. pension is worth more Canadian dollars than when we arrived.

Funny Canadian language: They use the term "the tax man" for the government tax authorities, where we would say "IRS." Looking it up in Google, apparently this is a term used in Britain (see the Beatles' song "Taxman"). This language oddity reached a peak for me in the following from a photo caption in the Globe and Mail, of a long line of men in business suits waiting in a drizzle "... to get into the Internal Revenue Service's career open house held Tuesday [10/28] in New York City. America's tax man planned the special event 'for professionals interested in moving over from the private sector,' and ...the timing couldn't have been better."

As I write this, I am in New York for ten days, staying with my daughter in Yonkers. She had a baby boy on November 6th, and I am now enjoying being a hands-on grandmother. He really is terminally cute and cuddly. In the same month, my mother died at age 97, peacefully in her sleep. We held a memorial service for her in New York during my visit here. Also, I had a dental crown replaced by my old dentist on West 94th St. -- I have great dental insurance in the States, and none in Canada (teeth aren't included in the health plan). So, between a new grandchild, an old dentist, and cheap vitamins, I may have to keep coming back to the Big Apple from time to time.

08/22/08: Totally in Canada now

2008-08-22T18:44:00.010-04:00

The Great Move is accomplished! The New York apartment is empty (except for the piano, which is about to go, and the new apartment in Toronto is like a warehouse for furniture and about 150 boxes.

What to tell of this huge project? First, it is noteworthy that I chose an unconventional approach to this move. Instead of just hiring an international firm, I rented a truck and hired a driver/packer to come down from Toronto and bring the stuff back, taking me and my excellent inventory list -- stamped and approved by Canadian customs -- over the border. That way, no hassle at the border with third-party agents, etc., according to other immigrants who have brought their stuff themselves, and no 2-3 week wait while your goods rattle around in corporate limbo before arriving at your curb. On the other hand, there are worries about liability, trust, the unpredictability of humans, etc. What if the truck crashed, or my packer didn't know how to pack and I ended up with furniture soup? After some agonizing along these lines, I realized that I preferred the flawed-human kind of worry to the corporate-monolith kind of worry, not to mention that the DIY approach is a lot cheaper.

So, I found (on Craigslist) a woman in Toronto to do the job, and I reserved a 24' moving truck from Penske in Toronto. Then I went down to NYC and spent the last ten days of July packing and getting rid of things. We had had a purge in October when we de-accessioned a lot of stuff, but I did some more this time around, mostly large pieces of furniture. Of course, there was still a lot left. Fumiko came down during this period for four days and also did a lot of packing. This was her first trip to New York since we arrived in Toronto, and her impression was that Toronto is a pleasanter place to live!

Then I went back to Toronto for a week, and on Aug. 7 went to New York for the final push. The load-in was scheduled for Aug. 14, so I had six days to get everything else boxed or otherwise ready. I was able to do this. On the evening of the 13th, the truck arrived and the mover and her helper slept on mattresses in the guest room. (My tenant had left that day.) I hired a couple of extra helpers from Craigslist in New York, so four of them loaded the truck in about five hours on Thursday, working hard and fast.

Then the driver and friend went sightseeing in New York City, not getting back until 2 in the morning. I was alone in the echoing apartment and my task was to un-install the old wall-to-wall carpet in the hallway and living room. (Apartment has to be "broom-clean" or penalty money will be taken.) This turned out to be a bigger job than I had counted on. The lathing around the edges had to be pried up with a crowbar, nails pulled, rotten carpet wrestled out, etc. But it was accomplished, with the help of a porter at the end.

On Friday morning, more last-minute boxes than anyone had counted on were a challenge to stuff in, so the truck was filled to the brim and the mover was exasperated. Then all that was left was the piano; a buyer was dragging his feet, so I left it there for later removal. We pulled out, me riding in the truck, about noon on Friday and got in to Toronto at about 10:30 that night. The border crossing was not a problem and traffic wasn't too bad, so it was a pretty smooth trip.

Saturday morning about noon they started unloading -- the driver and friend and another helper she brought along. It went pretty quickly, so in three hours everything was inside the new apartment. (I had been afraid it might not all fit...) We returned the truck, I paid everybody off, and we were done.

It went well, all things considered, and most thankfully is now behind us! There were a few scratches on some furniture, and a few temper tantrums (by the mover, who in the final 24 hours developed Attitude like I would not have believed), but pretty much everything got delivered well, and the cost was considerably less than a corporate move would have cost.

The piano negotiations continued by email, and it now seems that the buyer will pay us a small amount of money (but at least not giving it away) and remove the piano tomorrow. Then the apartment can be released (by my son, who is kindly acting as my agent in New York). All that will be left is an old broom and the towel hooks in the bathroom, which I never got around to taking out. Perhaps strangely, I didn't feel much emotion about this leaving process -- actually, I was sadder about giving up my mother's apartment when we did that. After forty years, I guess I'm ready for something new.

We are very slowly getting things organized in the new apartment, trying to decide how to use the old familiar pieces in this new space. Fortunately, we have a couple of weeks to do this before we need to start living in it. The new rooms are large (this is the kitchen), but there are not as many large closets as in New York, and we got rid of the five black cabinets from the dining room, so we have nowhere to put china, glass, etc. for the time being. We must say that ten times a day -- "let's put that here, for the time being"!

I have contracted for cable TV and Internet service, and sent out a couple of beloved rugs for a very expensive cleaning. When those are all in place, and the chaos has been tamed to some degree, then we can start actually living in the new apartment, in early September.

07/14/08: A more permanent home

2008-07-15T15:40:00.003-04:00

After about two months of looking, we finally signed a year's lease today on a three-bedroom unfurnished apartment. It's not quite our dream apartment, but a good compromise, and I'm going to New York next week and wanted to have it settled. Otherwise, we'd be into August and we need to be out of here by Sept. 5th.

In the last few weeks, we widened our search, so I was covering a lot of ground. We looked at beautiful ones that were too small and/or too far away, and at slightly seedy ones that were large and close, and ones with inconvenient layouts or impossibly high rents or in buildings with poor management or too few windows. We saw a gorgeous condo in the sky -- all glass and shiny floors (too small), and a nice size three-bedroom right near us and near the subway, but the stairway had a strange odor. Then there were lots that sounded fantastic in the ads, but disappeared into thin air -- rented to someone else before the open house, withdrawn because the tenants decided to stay, or phone messages and emails just never answered.

It became so seductive, waking each morning to a new crop of possibilities. Maybe today would be the day! Very easy to just keep looking and hoping, harder to actually commit to something reasonable, if not perfect. The apartment we have taken is very new and clean, with a pretty good layout and large rooms (two baths, 3+ bedrooms), BUT it's a (short) bus ride from the subway (a very short walk from the bus to home, however -- not always the case) and on a rather noisy main drag (the flip side of "short walk from the bus") featuring auto dealerships and body shops. The landlord seems pleasant, cooperative, and not too nosy, and the price is pretty low for the amount of space we have.

So, now I am dealing with the tailoff from a super-busy life, and the rather grim prospect of moving. Last week was hectic -- I went to thirteen Toronto Fringe productions and saw about as many apartments. We got caught in a torrential rainstorm one night while seeing an apartment, and made new friends when we huddled under someone's entry roof and they invited us in. The week before that was Pride -- three days of festivities on Church Street. We went downtown Friday, Saturday (Dyke March), and Sunday (Pride). The crowds were huge, seemed like more spectators than in New York, though the route is much shorter so maybe the same number is just compressed. The media all make a big fuss about it (different from New York, for sure), and the whole city celebrates for a few days.

A few days later was Canada Day (July 1st), the country's birthday. We chose to go to Ribfest at a park not far away -- lots of people, couples and families, all standing in long lines for barbecued ribs, funnel cake, and beautiful fried onions that looked like roses. There were fireworks in the evening, but not until 10 p.m., so we didn't wait. A lot like July 4th in the U.S.

The weather has included less rain and a few fairly hot days lately, but nothing to compare with Tokyo or New York. High Park is lush with green now, the reeds on the pond are over six feet high, and the goslings are growing up. (We won't be so close to High Park at our new place. Like I say, compromises.)

06/25/08: A long catch-up story

2008-06-25T23:03:00.003-04:00

Yeeks, it's been a long time since I posted anything. The weeks and months go by... I'll try to give an update of the past couple of months. Maybe you can read it in installments?

Fumiko got a part-time job starting mid-April, working with a 27-year-old mildly retarded (but horribly spoiled) woman, trying to train her in handling her money, eating well, doing laundry, etc. This job has been challenging, but also very frustrating for Fumiko, as the woman is quite resistant to suggestion, persuasion, and threats. Her parents can do nothing with her, apparently, as she is quite undisciplined and won't listen to anyone. But, it's some income, and hopefully a good Canadian reference. Fumiko also continues to do some volunteer work and apply for full-time jobs. She is revising her resume for the nth time -- everyone who kindly reviews it for her has a different (and usually conflicting) set of suggestions, but none of them has the power to hire her!

I'm now once again in an obsessive apartment search. Our hold on this apartment ends when the "real" tenants return on September 1, and we're thinking to give up the New York apartment, get an unfurnished one here, and move everything north. This is very stressful to even think about, and our list of wants for a "permanent" apartment is long, our funds are limited, and we want to get as good a one as possible. To gear up for this, I started in May to look at a lot of different possibilities -- far from transit but large, close to transit but far from shopping (yes, such exist), close to transit and shopping but small and dark, etc. I've even been going out with a realtor to look at condos for sale. Many people in Toronto own property, so it seems normal and, with the stock market bouncing about like it's been doing, perhaps an attractive investment. It's fun to see many different places, but very time-consuming, and I haven't found anything that I really love. Will something fall from the sky, like this one did, or will we be down to the wire, having to settle on a third-best option?

We continue to enjoy High Park, taking a jog or a hike several times a week. There are lots of birds -- a fascinating one that's all black except for bright scarlet spots on the wings that are visible only in flight; I think this is called a red-winged blackbird. Also robins and pigeons and a few seagulls, as well as a number of smaller birds that we can't identify, and crowds of geese that wander around the lawns and shores as well as gathering in the water. They now have young'uns (goslings?), and they seem totally unafraid of humans. They are sufficiently numerous that their green turds become a nuisance on the park paths. Recently, there have been articles in the newspaper about the blight of the Canada goose, which has overrun many Canadian cities and is even considered a health hazard. Other dangers: Recently dogs have been poisoned in High Park; it's in the papers. And Fumiko is frequently frightened by blackbirds dive-bombing at her!

The weather was not real spring-like in May. It was mostly cold and windy, with occasional rain and we wore short warm coats all month. Now that it's June, we've had a couple of warm, even hot, days, but it rains at least once a day five days out of seven, and we have frequent thunderstorms. Like monsoon season.

In early May, I made a trip to Boston (from New York), attending an academic conference there, visiting my son and his family (who kindly put me up for the weekend), and seeing my mother at her nursing home for the first time since we delivered her there in November. I was nervous about this, but it turned out to be a very nice visit. She looked very alert and healthy. We went out for a walk and she was cheerful and talkative. I really enjoyed seeing her and will try to get there again soon. The nursing home is bright and spacious and she seems to be doing well there, despite her standard complaints that there's not enough to do. My sister visits Mom there regularly and sends photos and stories which help me to feel connected. The problem is that it's pretty difficult to get from Toronto to Boston by bus (14 hours, with a change in Syracuse), and impossible by train (would require an overnight stay in Albany), so the easiest way is to go to New York and then do Boston as a side trip!

On my June trip New York, there was some problem with the train tracks, so the train was three hours late, a total trip of 16 hours! I was so disgusted that I decided to return on the new New York-Toronto express bus from Greyhound. It was not bad, took about 10 hours. At the border, we had to take all our luggage out and walk it through the customs house, where an agent gazed at it briefly and from a distance, and then we put it back again -- a pain. The bus seats are of course not as comfortable as the train, but they did have electrical connections for computers (called "plug-ins" on the website, amusingly) -- the promised Internet access was not working my trip. It made a couple of rest stops so we could stretch. It's a hard choice for me -- comfortable but late, or less comfortable and less time. The track work is expected to continue through October, and the Amtrak conductor claimed it was not under their control since the tracks are owned by the freight shippers. Whatever!

One more transportation story: There was a two-day transit strike in Toronto April 26-27, and I had places to go, so I did what people did in New York -- I hitchhiked! I think I was the only person doing this in Toronto. I made a big sign with my destination magic-markered on it and stood at the nearest intersection looking hopeful. It worked; I got where I was going, and I met some interesting people, but I certainly felt like a foreigner.

So what else have I been doing? I enjoyed the Hot Docs documentary film festival, managing to see six or eight programs, mostly for free, either as a senior or a volunteer. I also saw a couple of films at the "Inside Out" gay film festival. Both Fumiko and I took advantage of the "Doors Open Toronto" event recently; each of us (separately, because of scheduling differences) explored a number of buildings and places around Toronto, but we barely made a dent in the 150 or so being shown. Next year... One problem is that this event is always the same weekend as the annual weekend-long square dance event ("fly-in") held by the Triangle Squares, our local gay square dance club. In fact, there were so many events of all types in Toronto that weekend (May 23-25) that we could have filled our dance cards four or five times and not run out of fun things to do. I have a theory that, after a hard winter of being confined, Toronto just bursts forth at this time of year with all the events that they were afraid would be snowed out (or in) earlier in the year. Just a theory.

One Saturday in April, we went for the day to St. Catherine's, Ontario, for a square dance convention. During the dinner break, a group of us went in two cars to see the Welland Canal, a series of eight locks over the 27 miles that lies between Lake Ontario and Lake Erie that enables ships to bypass the Niagara Falls. Very interesting, though there didn't happen to be any ships going through at the time, which I understand is spectacular to see. Then, last week, we went to the harbour here in Toronto to see several tall ships, and I learned that one in particular came here by water from Erie, Pennsylvania! Apparently all of the Great Lakes are connected, one way or another, for boat/ship traffic. Having lived near an ocean port for the past few decades, I never thought much about lakes before.

On a rainy day in May, we visited the Kensington Market, which it turns out is a neighborhood of small shops that has grown up over a century or so. We ate tacos pastor at a Mexican restaurant, and I managed to buy a pair of blue jeans at a little shop. Now, this doesn't sound like much, but I haven't owned a pair of jeans for at least 10 years. I could never seem to find one that fit me and that seemed like I could tolerate them (stiff, tight, etc.). Anyway, the stars were right and I bought one (for $18) that didn't even need hemming! I wore them the following weekend when I went on a "city hike" with the gay hiking club on a cool and rainy evening, and they were just right! I felt very modern. The hike, incidentally, started at a subway station, wound through an upscale residential neighborhood, and then disappeared into a heavily wooded ravine for about a mile or so, ending up at an old pottery factory, now surrounded by landscaped ponds and gardens. Toronto is amazing that way -- there are many patches of wildness scattered throughout the city. In fact, "ravine view" is often mentioned in apartment ads as a plus.

We considered joining a "Bike Train" trip to Niagara Falls in July with the gay hiking group, but the project of acquiring bikes is just too daunting for now. We'd like to get them eventually, but right now we have nowhere to store them and the apartment search is using up all my research time and energy. Many people ride bikes here, as least in the summer, so it would be nice to have them. Maybe in the fall, if we get settled.

Fumiko has begun baking bread -- in fact, we don't buy bread any more. At one of the square dancing parties, she tasted Irish soda bread baked by one of the members, and since then she's been baking her own healthy variety for our breakfast. She uses whole wheat flour and a number of ground-up seeds and nuts, plus raisins. It's good! Occasionally she makes yeast bread, too, often as little rolls with things inside -- meat paste, baked apple, sweet bean paste, etc. Recently we went downtown to a chef's day, where a number of restaurants set up booths and each served two special dishes for $5 apiece. We enjoyed looking at everything and talking to the cooks, then we bought two each and were quite satisfied. This was part of a festival called Luminato, which goes on for ten days all over the city, a variety of events. I tell you, Toronto bids fair to outdo even New York for festivals -- film festivals, jazz festivals (at least three that I know of), art, dance, ethnic events, etc., etc. Recently, we spent a couple of hours at a two-day, ten-block long dog festival called "Woofstock"! I've got to stop trying to "keep up" with everything, or I might as well never have left New York.

We finally broke down and bought a second cell phone, so now we can talk to each other -- very handy on occasion. We made the mistake of allowing them to ship it by package express (Purolator, here) and of course there's no reception in our building and they took it away again. It took three phone calls and a streetcar trip to a place we never go, to retrieve it. So now we give my phone number to any English speakers (the library, the bank, etc.) so Fumiko won't be afraid to answer her phone.

We had our first visitors last week: my cousin Sharon and husband Stan came to visit Toronto, and we had wine and snacks here in our apartment before we all went out to dinner. It was very nice to welcome them to "our" city and "our" home.

Fumiko's English class is coming to an end for the term. Last week I joined them on a school trip to Centre Island, which has a children's amusement park, and a boardwalk, and was very pleasant, despite the daily thunderstorm. Tomorrow her class will have a party and then summer recess begins. She plans to work on her own to continue to improve her English. This weekend is Gay Pride. They make quite a thing of it here -- there was a special section in the main newspaper last Sunday (not one of those supplied from outside, but written by/for the Toronto Star) and all week there have been features on gay people in the papers and on TV. Then on July 1 is Canada Day, the celebration of the confederation of the provinces in 1867 to create the nation.

Finally, my latest minor peeve: The house numbers on two sides of a street in Toronto are not necessarily coordinated -- the matching numbers (101 and 102, for instance) may be one, two, or even three blocks apart. This just seems crazy to me, but I've learned to first get on the odd or even side of the street and only then start looking at the numbers.

early May 2008

2008-06-24T15:10:00.006-04:00

This is High Park in early May, picture by Fumiko. She was feeling a little homesick about then, and we both greatly enjoyed the cherry blossoms so nearby. We went several times, watching them grow fuller and then gracefully fade.

04/14/08: A new home

2008-04-14T18:01:00.008-04:00

As scheduled, I flew to Houston on Wednesday evening, March 26th. It was a great shock to go from snowdrifts in Toronto to azaleas and shorts in Houston! However, I adapted, and enjoyed the mild weather. I stayed with friends Karl and David, and as usual enjoyed their company as well as their hospitality. The conference was stimulating, but three days is a lot, and I was not sorry to climb onto another airplane Saturday night and move on to New York. New York was neither winter nor spring -- dry, but cloudy and nothing green yet. I was only there briefly, returning to Toronto early on Tuesday morning. By the time I got back to Canada all my minor cultural indicators were completely confused: centigrade or fahrenheit, licence or license? There are now several definitions of "home"...

In the next couple of days, we got ready to move, packing up things, but with a poor sense of how much there was. It's true we came here with just a few suitcases (what was allowed on two persons' air tickets), but since then I have ferried several loads from New York, and we have also bought a few things from Craigslist (a computer printer, a standing lamp, two sets of wire shelves, etc.). Friday, April 4th, was a rainy day, but Fumiko had taken off school for the move, so eventually we bit the bullet and called a "van taxi," which has more luggage room than the standard size. It turned out we needed two van trips, but by evening we had managed to get everything transferred the 3 kilometers, and then wrestled up two flights of stairs.

This new apartment will certainly build muscle: there are no elevators, at all! The street entrance is on the first floor, the mail and newspaper delivery is on the second floor, and we are on the third floor; laundry room and recycling bins are in the basement. On top of that, our apartment itself consists of two floors, with the bedroom, bath, and study on the second level! So, we do a lot of stair-climbing. On the move-in day, Fumiko kindly did the lion's share of hauling stuff upstairs, and I was duly grateful. She kept saying it was "good exercise," but she was sore for a couple of days afterwards.

We spent most of the weekend getting settled, packing up some of the owners' things to make room for ours and deciding how we wanted to arrange the space. After discovering that they do not own a few things that we consider essential, we went to Craigslist and eventually bought an electric coffee maker ($7), a very old toaster oven ($10), an even older microwave oven ($15), and a rice cooker ($6). The total lack of TV closed captions forced me to realize how addicted to them I have become, in order to overcome passing traffic noise, occasional actor mumbling, and heavy foreign accents. I eventually traced the problem to the extreme age of the little television, so I bought a less elderly but still small TV for $20 (Craigslist again) and now I'm content. We are trying to limit our acquisitions, since we'll have to move it all again in five months, but it's tempting to make a nest that's really comfortable and has what we need.

We've now been here about 10 days, and we like it pretty well. Though we miss the streetcars, it's true that being a few steps from a major subway stop is very convenient, not to mention the library, supermarket, and wine/beer store. The high ceilings and big front windows give us a feeling of light and air, even on rainy days, and we're getting used to skipping up and down the stairs all the time. We're astonished that, despite being on a main thoroughfare and right next to the subway, there is less noise here than in our last place. There are extra beds here, too, a fold-out couch (double) and a rollaway bed(single), so we can welcome guests who can do without a private room.

Spring has definitely begun to arrive. Crocuses are sprouting everywhere, and every other day is warm (55 or 60 F.), and often without strong winds. On a recent walk through the little zoo in High Park, we saw the mountain goats racing each other around the enclosure in what looked like a mating ritual. The ponds and snowpiles in High Park have all thawed, and I'm discovering many "new" trails and paths that have been invisible for the past four months.

Culture Shock Dept.: The post office here has discovered a luxe approach to public service. First, most local post offices are located inside stores -- a counter in the corner of a drugstore or a stationery store, so Canada Post doesn't have the real estate problems that the U.S.P.O. does. Then, postage is higher here and, when I went to file a forwarding order, I discovered they charge $37 for six months' mail forwarding service! Can you imagine? We get so little mail that of course I said "forget it," and just spent the afternoon changing all the addresses by Internet and telephone. Worst case, we can swing by the old place occasionally and pick up any mail that comes.

The class (on history of Toronto development) that I have been looking forward to was canceled at the last minute due to lack of enrollment. Darn! I have been scheduling around it for a couple of months, so now I have to rethink everything. I'm going to volunteer at HotDocs, an international film festival starting this weekend. As a senior, I can get in free during the day (if tix available), and then I'll get some free anytime tix for volunteering. So I can go crazy ("film-festival frenzy") and OD on documentaries.

I have been thinking of trying to be an extra or bit player in the burgeoning film and theatre industry here in Toronto, and I've been watching a couple of Internet sites for this purpose. Through them, I found a photographer who is creating a "breast montage" for a documentary about breast cancer and wants subjects. In return, she'll do free head shots (I contacted two photographers about this, and they quoted me $145 and $350, respectively!), so I went last Friday and had it done. She took a long time on "my" shots, and one of her assistants was a nice young Japanese woman who was enchanted that I could speak Japanese, and they served healthy munchies. So, a nice experience, and in a few weeks she'll email me a free professional head-shot so I can play with the big guys!

Fumiko is still sending off resumes to possible employers, but no nibbles so far. We keep hearing that it's hard to get a job without Canadian experience and references, so she has begun volunteering two days a week for one of these employers. Actually, even the newspaper comments from time to time on the problems of immigrants finding work here. There are doctors driving cabs, etc. But Fumiko says she'll give it until her birthday (in November she'll be 60) and then she'll start looking for other kinds of work. (We seem to have enough money to live on for the time being.)

03/26/08: Is Spring coming?

2008-03-26T07:34:00.002-04:00

We've had a lot of sun lately, and only a little snow, then rain. This is a huge relief after so much snow, most recently a two-day blizzard a couple of weeks ago that completely undid the previous melt. Now that snow is slowly melting, hopefully for good. We can see pavements and lawns on one side of the street, facing south, and the downtown area has only a few muddy snowpiles here and there. The temperature still hovers around freezing, but lots of sun gives a modicum of warmth and hope. A newspaper report here surprised me by showing that the Toronto snowfall this year -- 70 inches, which is close to the all-time record for the city -- was much less than many other Canadian cities. Ottawa has had twice as much as Toronto, Montreal almost twice as much, and a place called Corner Brook, Newfoundland, has had almost three times as much, so we're actually lucky! Of major cities, only Vancouver was not on this list, so I guess they don't get much. (For comparison, New York City averages under 30 inches a year, though I can't find a figure for this year.)

It's been almost a month since I last posted. Early in March, Fumiko completed the various procedures (and payments) necessary to get an Ontario driver's licence (two trips to the Japanese consulate, one trip to the downtown government center, and a total of $95). Then she parlayed that into identification necessary for registration for national health insurance. So, she's all set! I won't get a driver's licence, as I don't intend to drive -- my eyes are getting worse (cataracts), and an accident a couple of years ago has left me permanently skittish. I'll go for a health card sometime soon, even though I have good insurance in the States, and as long as I go back and forth like this, I'm unlikely to need any in Canada.

Fumiko has also been working hard at job-hunting. It's not easy, since the jobs she's interested in don't have a standard title or description, or even a standard "industry." During the recent "March break" week of no school, she revised her resume and wrote a two-page description of her last job in Japan -- managing a group home for developmentally disabled adults. Now she's trying to network, and to identify possible employers (social agencies) and send out her paperwork to them.

I've been continuing my leisurely life. I've attended a few linguistic colloquia at the University of Toronto, and quite a few plays, both professional and "community" theatre (which hardly exists in New York City). I've found that some theatres use volunteer ushers, as in New York. I enjoy going to new neighborhoods, under some pretext or other, and tramping about. It occurred to me that during my forty years in New York, I probably traversed every inch of sidewalk south of 120th Street at least once... We both spent a Saturday walking the length of Queen Street, popping into galleries and having lunch at a cafe, ending up at the Garden Show at the convention center, tired but happy.

We went square dancing with the Triangle Squares gay club, and Fumiko decided to join their Plus level class for the rest of the term. They have a number of events scheduled, but I've registered for a Saturday morning class for six weeks starting in April (on land use in Toronto) that makes it impossible to go to most of them, which are on Saturdays. Ditto for Saturday hikes scheduled by the Out & Out group I joined. However, there is a fly-in (weekend-long square dance event) in May, so we can go to that.

As a couple, we were featured (anonymously) in a news story in a NYC gay paper about same-sex couples emigrating: http://tinyurl.com/3aujju (let me know if/when this URL stops working...) It was done with one telephone interview, and I think the reporter did a good job. We wouldn't let him use a picture of us, so he featured High Park instead! Clever.

Last weekend was Easter, which seems to be a much bigger deal in Toronto than it was in New York. Lots of flowers on sale everywhere. Good Friday a national holiday, with most stores closed as well. Then, most close again on Sunday, and a number of stores and offices are also closed on Monday. One has to stock up on Thursday and Saturday, and stores were crowded on those days. Fumiko had a four-day holiday from school. There was a biggish parade in the east end of town on Sunday, though we didn't go. We had gone to the St. Patrick's parade, which was pretty feeble by New York standards. The Easter parade promised to be better, but we each had made other plans for that day. Next year.

Did you know that the population of Canada is only 33 million? Compared to Japan 128 million and U.S. 303. The Toronto metropolitan area is 5 million, New York 20 million, and Tokyo 33 million. So, greater Tokyo has about the same population as the nation of Canada!

More on language: Fumiko and I had an argument over a couple of days. She came home saying that her teacher was on vacation, so they had a "supply teacher" instead. Or that's what it sounded like to her. I said that's not right, I never heard such a term. All week she talked about the "supply teacher." Finally, in exasperation, I googled it, and got about 500,000 hits from the UK and Canada. Seems that's the standard term for what we call "substitute teacher"! Humility, Eleanor, humility.

Today I'm flying to Houston, Texas, to attend a linguistic conference at Rice University and stay with friends Karl and David. Then on Saturday I'll fly to New York, and on Tuesday back to Toronto. I used frequent-flyer miles, so it's not costing much, and the conference sounds really fascinating, on how languages are thought to have developed structural complexity. Then, three days after I return, we'll move to our next apartment. And, maybe spring will finally come to Toronto.

03/01/08: Life becoming usual

2008-03-02T17:45:00.004-05:00

It's been a while since I posted, so I guess life is becoming normally repetitive. We had lots of snow in Toronto, and then a thaw (with occasional freezes, I've fallen down twice), and now some more snow. We spent a nice evening with two other same-sex couples who've emigrated here -- two women who are even newer than us, and two men who have been here a lot longer. Fumiko has been working on her English, and also on preparing a resume for job-hunting, together with a longer essay describing her work in Japan with retarded adults, why she liked it so much, and what she hopes to do here. We saw a couple of plays here in Toronto, liked one, hated the other. And, I finally produced my annual letter -- just a couple of months late -- and emailed it to the world.

During the last big series of snows in Toronto, there was a modest level of outrage (this is Canada, remember) that the streets were not cleared in a timely manner. So, the city government announced it was going to pull out all the stops and get the job done. That night, I was waked up at 3 a.m. by what looked like science fiction: a very large yellow tractor-like vehicle with a huge arm and bucket, and four floodlights mounted on the cab so that the entire area was lit up like day. It worked on our block (a small residential street) for about an hour, dragging snow from the curbs and from between cars, then pushing it ahead of it up the street (perhaps there was a truck further up to receive the snow), then returning, backing and pushing some more -- five times in all! Like a rather sleepy housewife collecting dust, sweep this way, sweep that way -- I was horrified and fascinated. It seemed like such an inefficient method, and at this rate how could they hope to clear the whole city!

On another night, we viewed the lunar eclipse, first red, then blue again. Beautiful! It was a perfectly clear night and the moon seemed very near. Speaking of eclipse, there has been a lot of publicity here about Earth Hour, March 29 from 8 to 9 p.m. Plan is to turn off the lights, and the city of Toronto is officially participating, so we will, too.

In mid-February, I spent some time looking at apartments. The idea was to see what is available in general, particularly in the neighborhood we're in, looking toward having to vacate this apartment in May. We saw a few that were interesting but not compelling, but then we saw one that seemed too good to pass up, so we rented it for April 3 to August 31. It's also furnished, a little smaller than the current one but with a nice arrangement, and it's a little cheaper. In a modern low-rise apartment building, so we hope that the service quirks will be fewer. Also, it's much nearer to a supermarket, a liquor store (no "beer at the deli" here), and a bank. So, we're sewed up for the summer now, and I have no excuse to turn apartment-hunting into a hobby. There is a sleepable sofa (and a trundle bed), though not a second bedroom (there's a separate desk-and-computer area with no door), so we may be in a position to take on visitors who don't require a private room.

I'm now returning from my second trip to New York, again by train. Each trip is different! This time the U.S. customs was non-intrusive. No dogs, no luggage inspection, go figure. The only mildly hostile guy was one with rubber gloves and a garbage bag who was checking food -- he took away my orange ("no citrus," he said). On the other hand, the heat was off and the toilets were broken. But, we were early arriving in New York. Like I say, a mixed bag, and each time a different mix. In New York, I saw my children, did income taxes for me and Mom, and saw two off-Broadway shows. And I'm bringing back another load of clothing and household desirables. The Canadian officials at the border just took my customs declaration form without comment, and didn't even want to look at my passport!

02/13/08: Ottawa and snow

2008-02-19T14:50:00.005-05:00

We had three wonderful days in Ottawa with friends Guy and Mike in their lovely house. They were grand hosts, driving us here and there to sightsee, have lunch, meet their friends, etc. We saw Parliament Hill (and the cat hotel there), stood under the giant spider outside the National Gallery, and relaxed in the lobby of the old and rich hotel Chateau Laurier. We liked the larger-than-life bronzes of five middle-aged women who challenged laws that said women were not full "persons." The Rideau Canal (the longest skating rink in the world) was very impressive, especially realizing how far above the river level the boats are lifted by a series of locks. We walked on the frozen canal, mingling with ice skaters of all ages, saw a bed race, and enjoyed "beaver tails," a fried-dough confection unique to Ottawa's Winterlude festival. The ice sculptures were ambitious, but a little tumbledown in their second weekend.
On Sunday we all visited the Canadian Museum of Civilization, which features numerous detailed replicas of houses, stores, streets, etc. from Canada's past to walk around in. Good lessons for us new Canadians! We were sorry to say goodbye to Mike and Guy, and to Ottawa. (In this picture you can see Parliament Hill from the CMC across the river in Quebec. Click to enlarge. I'll post more pictures soon on another site; stay tuned for the URL.)

There are some very cold days here in Toronto, but most days are not so cold. We've gotten used to bundling up and carrying an extra sweater and socks when we go out. It's the amount of snow that makes life difficult at times -- and we don't even have to shovel! In Ottawa (and on the train going up), we were surrounded by white, rounded mounds of snow covering everything. Fumiko has never seen so much snow in all her life. Streets in Ottawa were plowed, and Mike and Guy drove without apparent difficulty, but we were still amazed by the constant surrounding whiteness. Back in Toronto, it had snowed a lot, and then snowed some more. Homeowners have to shovel several times a day when that happens (although many don't, so walking means pushing through 4-6 inches of snowfall in places). I don't want to exaggerate it; it's more like Boston, I think, than Alaska. Compared to New York, it's a question of frequency rather than degree. New York has big snows, but not often, and they don't last long.

Fumiko is working hard at her English class, but getting impatient to find a job and start working. I have been keeping my eye on apartment ads, going to see one now and then (we have to leave this apartment by May at the latest), and using the Internet to research various problems of Toronto life: where to buy good challah bread; how much is postage; how to get a Canadian driver's license (woops! licence), and so forth. I'm finally sending out New Year's cards, slowly; I just couldn't fit them in in December or January.

I realized that when I went to New York and returned, my passport was never stamped. I can think of advantages and disadvantages to this state of affairs, but I wonder if it's policy or oversight. I sent an email to the U.S. border agency, but they replied that it may take them a month or two to answer me!

As a linguist, I notice usages that are new to me:
• "the 905-belt": I looked for a highway 905, but found none. Finally, Wikipedia tells me it's a telephone area code, which at one time distinguished Toronto proper (416) from the surrounding suburbs (905).
• political terms (they use the British parliamentary system here): "riding" (election district); "stand for election."
• "ratepayer" = taxpayer
• in sports reporting: "Chargers are in tough" "Tigers in tough against strong" And in a non-sports story: "Residents are in tough" (My sports-savvy son assures me that he's never seen this before.)
• funny spelling: "tonnes of people"

Pictures

2008-02-05T21:28:00.001-05:00

January 7th, waiting to be interviewed by Canadian Customs:

February 1st, Fumiko in the blizzard:

02/05/08: Snow in Toronto

2008-02-05T14:11:00.000-05:00

Lately we've had real winter weather. When I arrived back from New York, it had snowed and High Park was beautiful. Then it warmed up for a couple of days, but on Thursday it was extremely cold and windy. Friday there was a blizzard. It snowed heavily all day, and when it stopped at night, there looked to be about 5 inches of snow everywhere. Our landlord shoveled gamely several times that day, though others on the street did not. I got no newspaper on Friday, and we had little or no television most of Friday and Saturday! Schools closed on Friday (Fumiko came home from hers midmorning), and many stores closed early. This is all rather surprising, since presumably snow is not unusual here. We bundled up and went to the shopping street in the afternoon, enjoying the drama and the beauty of the whirling snow. Many others also seemed to enjoy it -- shoppers were smiling. Only those waiting for the trolley seemed grumpy, as surface transportation had a lot of delays apparently. By Saturday, melting had started, which meant large puddles and slush everywhere. Our feet got wet and cold during our Saturday outing to see some East End neighborhoods near the lakeshore.

In the past week, we have participated more in "Toronto life": I went square-dancing at the gay SD club here (Triangle Squares), watched an Irish film shown at a nearby library, and went to an academic talk at the University of Toronto, and Fumiko attended a supper for retarded adults, staff, and volunteers at a social center -- not to mention intensive socialization for five hours each day with her ESL classmates, women from many countries. We both went to a panel and discussion about gay neighborhoods and community in Toronto, which was very interesting. On Saturday, after sloshing about the East End, we went to a performance on stilts at the City Hall plaza, part of the city's winter festival. It was quite original and charming, with music and humor, and both adults and children were delighted with it. See www.gajestheater.nl and http://www.joeydevilla.com/2008/01/30/ alice-in-wonderland-at-torontos-new-city-hall/

I have subscribed to a Toronto daily paper so I can gradually get used to the Canadian point of view, and be aware of local issues and events. It's delivered to the front door (or thereabouts) every morning about 6:30. Although they missed Friday, the day of the blizzard, I got two on Saturday! Oddly, the "fat paper" of the week here is Saturday, not Sunday, as in the U.S. And it even has a TV section with complete listings for the coming week -- something that the New York Times abandoned a while back.

Fumiko is working hard on her English lessons, and I have been putting a lot of energy into researching printers. I had a hard time deciding between laser and inkjet (cheap to buy, expensive to run), multifunction vs. simple, networked vs. normal, etc. Then Fumiko found an ad for a laser single-function printer on a Japanese bulletin board here, and it was well-reviewed according to my research, so we decided to go for it. I went to check it out last night; it happened to be during rush hour and there were other transit problems, so it took me two hours to get there! Coming back was only one hour. The young Japanese woman selling it has been here for a year on a "working holiday." She said she would rather have gone to the U.S., but they/we don't have such a thing. She's been working part-time at a coffee shop and enjoying Canadian life, apparently. The printer is a Brother HL-2040, which is currently on sale downtown for about $72 (after tax and mail-in rebate), and we paid $45. We have now got it working on both computers (though only one at a time), so that solves that problem for the time being. Maybe later we'll buy a color inkjet multifunction for other tasks, but I like having a quiet fast text printer that isn't an ink-guzzler.

I also spent a morning setting up the VCR I brought from New York last trip. Not trivial, since I had neglected to bring the manual and the remote, and it's been a while since I used it (having gotten a DVR last summer). But eventually I got it working, and I've taped a couple of TV shows that were broadcast at times when I couldn't watch.

We continue to enjoy High Park, and walk there often, snow or no snow. (The lightweight "crampons" that Sarai gave us work wonderfully well on icy paths!) There are still beautiful geese to be seen there, and on the weekends there are so many dogs that I wonder if one is required to bring one in order to walk there! One day I jogged along the shore of frozen Grenadier Pond and saw some people skating in defiance of the "danger" signs, and a large snowman built on the ice. Checking the relative sizes on the Internet, I find that High Park is about half the size of Central Park; there seems to be only one other woodland area in Toronto as big, so I'll have to go and investigate that, too, as a possible place to live.

I was shocked to learn that vitamins are very expensive here -- at least Vitamin E, which I am low on and didn't bother to get when I was in New York last, thinking that it would be cheaper in Canada. Not! I finally found a Rexall (house brand) version for only twice what I normally pay.

We've been getting new neighbors in our building -- which is a rambling three-story-and-basement house that seems to have five or six apartments carved out of it. Our newest neighbor is a lesbian violinist who is considering moving back to Toronto from Vancouver, partly because of a new romance with a woman here. We met her when she knocked on our door, frantic to reach her girlfriend by phone. That afternoon we had no Internet (it happens, it happens...), and the landlord had given her a VOIP phone that also needs the Internet. We loaned her our cell phone to make the call.

01/26/08: To New York and back

2008-01-27T07:16:00.000-05:00

Here I am on the train back to Toronto, having spent five days (six nights) in my own bed in New York City. It was a bit odd to return to New York -- it felt more like four or six weeks since we left than the actual two. Everything in the apartment was pretty much the same, only neater. We had left it neat and our tenant is a meticulous person. In these two weeks, winter arrived in New York. Everyone on the subway was covered from head to toe, men wearing those hats with earflaps, and women in mukluk-type boots.

Well, to backtrack to last Sunday morning. I got the 8:30 a.m. train out of Toronto. Not very crowded, everybody got two seats to spread out in. No Quiet Car on this train, despite their announcement. Turns out a lot of "standard" stuff doesn't apply to these cross-border trains, like checking baggage. But, every seat (every!) has at least one electric plug. So I could use my computer to my heart's content (and no restrictions during takeoff like the airplane). It was a pleasant enough ride, until we got to the border at Niagara Falls, N.Y. about 11 a.m. There, a crowd of U.S. customs officers streamed onto the train, for all the world like storm troopers. The uniforms seemed to be modeled on the Germans in WWII, and they had a dog!! It took about 45 minutes for them to do their thing. First interviewing every passenger and examining their passport ("Where are you going? Why? Where have you come from? Why? What is your business?" etc., etc. in creepy detail). Then, they had us bring all our bags to our seat (from the large-luggage area at the end of the car, if necessary, or down from the overhead bins, and we were herded into a neighboring car, leaving our luggage for them to paw through. Which they apparently did, since on returning to my seat about 15 minutes later, I found my book-box unstrapped, though it was empty. Then they took a few people off the train ("Bring all your possessions!"), including a Chinese woman sitting across the aisle from me. Spooky. About half an hour later, she returned, smiling, so I guess nothing sinister happened, but the prelude was scary enough for me. Altogether, the whole experience made me vow never again to complain about the security procedures at the airport!

The rest of the journey (another 9 hours) was uneventful, except that the toilets got full and I had to go to the next car to pee. We passed over the Niagara River gorge, which was pretty spectacular, even though I couldn't see any Falls, but the rest of the scenery was mostly snowy fields, and sunshine. I had plenty of food and a book and Sudoku and my computer, so I had no trouble amusing myself, and even felt good about being denied fast-moving electronics for a day (TV and Internet). Oh, and I had some nice music on my computer and a headset, so all in all, the 13-hour trip was actually quite painless. We arrived in Penn Station at 9:30, about 15 minutes ahead of schedule, and I was home by 10 p.m. (Light luggage, mostly empty containers for the return trip, so I just took the subway.)

I was keyed up, so I opened a lot of mail (two weeks' mail turns out to fill a plastic milk crate, nearly all junk), chatted with Kristin and watched some junk TV with her. Plugged in my computer, checked my email, etc., went to bed about 1 a.m. For the next five days, I did a lot of paper work -- my mom's affairs and mine. Made phone calls to 800 numbers, caught up on filing, like that. Another time-consuming activity was assembling all the "mother ship" items, deciding how much I could take and strategizing on how to pack them. I also went to physical therapy (for my ankle) three times and did exercises at home, took two runs, attended a friend's book party, and square-danced one evening. Not a bad trip. At square dancing, people seemed much more pleased to see me than usual -- their eyes sparkled when they asked about Toronto. I guess the sort of big change that we are doing is more purely exciting in the abstract than in the actuality. Not that it isn't exciting for us, but it's also a lot of other emotions.

Still another concern was how I would return to Toronto -- train or airplane. I checked possible air routes and fares, including the possibility of using frequent flyer miles. The airlines allow two checked items and one carry-on suitcase, but the train just the two. I checked whether Greyhound or Amtrak would be willing to transport extra luggage -- answer is no! I also worked out a tentative schedule for these return trips -- four weeks in Toronto, then one week in New York. I factored in the requirement that for health coverage in Canada, I cannot be out of Canada for more than 30 days in the first six months, so I scheduled five trips of 6 days each. Then I tried pricing trips in advance. After an unreasonable amount of research and thought, I decided to return by train, and probably to do future trips by train. The downside is: creepy customs experience, less baggage allowed, takes a lot of time. The upside is: much cheaper ($160 round trip vs. the very cheapest air I could get for $266, and that only on sale, otherwise $350 and up), don't have to schedule far in advance, can use the time to keep my email under control, read books, etc., and getting to and from the train station is much easier/cheaper than to the airport(s). So I booked a return ticket with Amtrak over the phone ($5 more than from the Canadian ViaRail -- next time I'll buy a round trip in Toronto!).

While I was in New York, Fumiko and I talked twice a day by Skype-phone (free between members), if not more. We have been together so much in the past few months that it was odd to be apart, and we both missed each other. According to her report, there was colder weather and more snow in Toronto. She enjoyed, and profited from, the job-finding workshop that she attended. Four nights, 16 hours -- and she tells me that the instructor will go on mentoring each person in the class from now on. The instructor's office is in the same building where Fumiko will be taking ESL classes starting on Monday.

All in all, my days in New York weren't jam-packed. I had plenty of time to watch TV, mostly programs that my DVR had recorded in my absence. And I made a point of being "visible" in my building, saying hello and making eye contact with any building staff I ran into. On my next trip, in late February, I plan to do income tax for myself and for my mother, so that should keep me busy. And the trip after that, in late March, will be for getting a dental implant (I had the extraction in December, and one has to wait three months for the root to heal), using my U.S. dental insurance to advantage. I could also use the extra time to continue winnowing down my possessions. Having made some tentative inquiries about international moving, it seems not only expensive but very aggravating, so less rather than more would be good. It seems that it might easy for us to just drive across the border in a van or truck with our stuff in it and show our immigration inventory list, now officially stamped, whereas to consign stuff to a big moving company is more complicated. I'll have to investigate this further.

The last couple of days of this trip, I worried a lot about how, or whether, to bring everything on our "wish list," and Fumiko kept asking for a little this and a little that as the week progressed -- while she also said, don't endanger your health! I packed the book-box (a very strong thing I acquired years ago when I was going back and forth to Japan a lot, designed to hold just 50 pounds of heavy stuff) tightly, and then stuffed my carry-on-size suitcase to the gills; each was exactly 50 pounds, by the bathroom scale. But there were still things left over. So, I bit the bullet and put more stuff in the large duffel bag and then inserted the suitcase into the duffel bag also! It was not quite stretched to its full length of three feet, so I thought I could just about manage the two of them on my luggage cart, total 100 pounds. Then my laptop and a couple of books went into my backpack (very heavy). My plot was to manage to bring the refrigerator containers ("Tupperware") that Fumiko wanted by packing my food into them and carrying them in a paper shopping bag. I thought that probably the train officials wouldn't question me about that. But then, there were still a lot of little things that popped up at the last minute (always are, right?), so I found an expandable cloth bag from Japan and put them all in that. At the end, I had two "official" items, plus a backpack, plus two "extra" hand items. And that handled absolutely everything!

It worked! I managed to stagger down to the street with it all and hail a cab, and then some enterprising guy lurking outside Penn Station got the two big ones down the stairs for me. (Can you believe that there was an up escalator, but only stairs (two flights!) from Eighth Avenue to the main floor at Penn Station??) Actually, the guy was kind of old and I wasn't sure he could actually make it down those stairs with the second 50-lb. load. He did, but just as he landed, a youth who was helping another woman fell down three or four steps and started bleeding on the floor right in front of us! We started to get help, but he recovered and dashed off, leaving a small pool of blood. My helper seemed reluctant to take me further, so I guess that they are not allowed in the station itself, just from the street to the station, in the absence of any official redcaps to do this job. Again, doesn't seem like a good arrangement to me. From my sample of two, these guys working for tips are not really up to it.

Anyway, again I managed to get my stuff the short distance to the ticket window, and then to the gate without help. When the train was announced I hailed a redcap, who had no trouble in installing me in the proper car. In fact, it turns out that if you're with a redcap, the official at the top of the escalator who is checking everyone's ticket just waves you through, bypassing a fairly long line!

Sitting on the train, listening to the Mamas and the Papas, gazing out on the sunlit Hudson River, I'm eager to get to Toronto -- home is where Fumiko is!

Later: We crossed the border into Canada about 4:30 p.m., but the Canadian Customs were much nicer. They didn't open anything (though they did ask a lot of questions). I had to justify having two residences, and then I pulled out my inventory sheet and they initialed everything I had marked as coming in today. I felt a little stupid for listing (and then marking) some pretty valueless items, so I won't bother with that next time, just appliances and things. But it was quite a painless, even pleasant, process today.

01/19/08: More of the same

2008-01-19T22:33:00.001-05:00

Thursday after breakfast, I went for my first run in High Park. (In New York, I jog about 1.25 miles two or three times a week, around the Reservoir in Central Park.) I didn't have my little water bottle, and I wasn't really dressed warmly enough on top, it turned out, so I made it a short one. It was very nice, though. The park is hardly used at all, it seems, just a couple of runners, and a couple of moms with toddlers. As in Central Park, I enjoy the close contact with Nature, even if it's cold and the ground and ponds are frozen.

We had lunch and then set off on the subway to the center (Yonge and Bloor) for Fumiko's language assessment test appointment. She was really nervous, and it took about an hour -- all four skills, reading, writing, speaking, and listening. Her tester was kind and encouraging, and after it was over said Fumiko had done well, placing into Level 5 of seven levels. Fumiko decided to start the ESL class on Monday, Jan. 28th, since she is registered for a 16-hour jobs workshop next week. The ESL class is five days a week, 9 to 2:30! And all this is free, from the government, which is eager to turn immigrants into tax-paying workers as quickly as possible.

While Fumiko was testing, I visited a couple of banks to discuss my money-changing problems. In conclusion, it seems the best way to transfer money is just to think ahead (about a month ahead) and deposit a $US check into my Canadian account. It will be credited as Canadian dollars on the day of deposit, but the funds will be frozen for about a month while the money is transferred; there is no fee for this, just time. The only reason to open an $US account in Canada is if I wish to control the timing of currency conversion more closely. I don't think I do. By the way, in the course of these discussions, I learned a few useful translations: GIC (guaranteed investment certificate) here is what we call a CD (certificate of deposit) in the U.S., and an IRA in the U.S. seems to be similar to the Canadian RRSP (registered retirement savings plan).

We then went to Union Station to buy my train ticket to New York for Sunday. There is a separate Amtrak window there for this purpose, but I paid in Canadian dollars ($79.00 one way). Suddenly anxious about the return procedure, I called Amtrak and they say that I can buy a one-way ticket back in New York, for $82.80.

In the evening, I had a nice Skype chat with friend Mike in Ottawa, and as a result was finally able to set up the TV with a list of channels that we are actually interested in. Took me about 45 minutes to do this, armed with PDF lists of channels from the provider (on my Mac screen, since I have no printer yet), one in numerical order and one in alphabetical order. Mike suggested buying TV Guide to learn more about each channel, and I will do that.

On Friday morning, both Fumiko and I had a run in High Park, taking a somewhat different path than I did the previous day. It was very cold and the wind is fierce -- the TV said the temperature was at freezing, plus another minus-13 degrees in wind chill! We had to keep moving, and did pretty well, alternating jogging and walking for about 40 minutes. On the way home we walked through the residential area (we like to look at all the various house styles), and we found an abandoned piece of furniture on the sidewalk that we liked and managed to lug home, about two blocks. It is a walnut-veneer small low cabinet, the shape of an end table. We are currently using it as a small bench/table in the entry hall. Considering that it had frozen ice droplets on it when we found it, it cleaned up very well. Our landlord came by and coveted it!

It was a beautiful sunny day, so although it was a shame to stay indoors, we did just that for most of the rest of the day. (We are still having wireless outages for parts of most days, but I have discovered another open network connection in the neighborhood that doesn't seem to mind me using it -- no password, anyway -- and is generally available when our landlord's network isn't.) About 5:30 (after dark), we ventured out to pick up some grocery items. Looking for peanut butter, we happened upon a small convenience store (from the outside it looks like a movie theatre!) that has a side business of renting DVDs. At $3 for new movies (1 night) or $2 for older ones (2 nights), it's a bargain, and also not far from our house. The cashier is a Korean woman who took an instant liking to us and wanted to know where we were from, etc. We rented "Hairspray" for $3. At home, we found (no surprise by this time!) that playing a DVD here is not a trivial matter. First we had to climb up on a chair to examine the DVD player, which is perched on the top shelf of the entertainment unit. Using all of our limited skills, we could not get it to work. We called the landlord, and he came down, took off his shoes (did I mention his wife is Korean?), and all but took the entire entertainment unit apart, tightening and/or moving plugs, lying on his belly to get at cables underneath it, etc. Finally he got it working. No sooner had he left, though, than we realized the picture was so dark and the colors so lurid that you could hardly tell what was going on; it showed a decent picture only intermittently, and fiddling with the TV controls didn't seem to help. We eventually discovered that by climbing up and wiggling cables on the DVD player ever so slightly, the correct picture would snap back into place. We had to do this about every 30-45 minutes for the duration of the movie, so it got to seem like a routine adjustment. We both enjoyed the movie, though Fumiko thought it rather "old-fashioned."

Saturday: On awaking, we see about an inch of snow on the ground, but by 9 a.m. it has all melted, leaving another sunny day but cold, and with a large wind-chill factor again. People are now dressing the way we imagined Canadians would be: heavy boots, big hoods and mittens, etc. The homeless woman who gently offers copies of Street News, and from whom we bought one the day before yesterday, is at her post even on this very cold day. We take our daily walk on Roncesvalles Avenue, walking north to what we thought was a major intersection at Dundas Street West, but there isn't really much there: a branch of our bank, and The Beer Store, and a nice revival movie house that charges only $5-6 and shows both new (well, almost new) and classic movies. A good walk, though. On our way home, we stop at the library and Fumiko exchanges a couple of books for possibly better ones.

Sidebar: Pronunciation of local names is always tricky. No logic applies. Here, the French-looking "Roncesvalles" is spoken like "Rahn-sess-vales" and I have to keep practicing it to myself. "Dundas" is not "Dun-dus" with the second vowel almost silent, as I would think, but "Dun-dass" to rhyme with "one glass." "Spadina" rhymes with "vagina" (sorry, but it's a good match!).

I glance at the newspaper that I bought (the Globe and Mail, which seems to be a national paper, as opposed to the local Toronto Star) and see that Bobby Fischer has died, age 64, three years younger than me. I am riveted, read the whole obituary (a full page, from the New York Times) and then seek out more information on the Internet. The recent picture they show of him looks bizarre, and his life is largely a mystery, so my curiosity is largely unsatisfied.

Fumiko cut my hair (we have exchanged haircuts for many years), and then she set out to do a load of laundry -- towels and bathroom rugs, mostly. However, the students who live in the basement seemed to have the same idea, so it took her hours and many trips before she was able to complete the job. Meanwhile, I worked at assembling the tiny amount of luggage that I will take tomorrow, mostly empty containers to bring things back from New York (just think of it as "the mother ship"). We'll plan to leave for the train at 7 a.m. I have to get in line early to get a "good seat" -- for me, that will be in the quiet car with an electrical outlet nearby, though they say that there are "very few" outlets in the coach section. I'll have 13 hours to kill, so I'd like to be able to use my computer; there is a lot of stuff I can do even without Internet access. I'm also taking two books, today's newspaper (unlike the U.S., the Saturday edition seems to be as big as the Sunday), puzzles of various sorts, Christmas cards to answer, and three meals worth of food. And my neck pillow for naps.

01/16/08: A walk in High Park, first snow, and shopping, shopping

2008-01-16T22:40:00.000-05:00

Monday it rained in the morning -- not unusual here. Morning seem to be cloudy and it rains at least once a day lately. Fumiko calls it "mountain weather," though it's more likely to be "lake weather." We holed up inside, surfing the Internet as we very often do, on one mission or another. However, there was no Internet! For several hours! We were appalled. This also happened yesterday, so today I called the landlord and explained that we had to have Internet -- virtually all the time -- or we would move. He was duly impressed and promised to take steps.

By late morning, the sun was peeking through, so we dressed warmly (we don't actually have a thermometer and our apartment is so warm we have no idea how to dress for outdoors...) and headed for High Park, two blocks away. Like Central Park, High Park is a mix of manicured and wild. Near where we entered, we found a small pond surrounded by about 30 beautiful black geese who hardly noticed us as we walked by a few feet from them. We headed for the part marked "zoo" on the map, and walked along a road with animal pens on each side -- deer, wild sheep, buffalo, about 15 species in all, and some spectacular peacocks ("peafowl" on the sign). The animals are those which can live outdoors all year round, though there seem to be rough cabins or huts in each enclosure. We climbed up a hill and there is a cafe at the top, with a parking lot and a number of customers. Fumiko had heard on the Japanese grapevine that the food was good here, but the coffee terrible! We didn't take any chances.

We continued on, down another road that led to Colborne Lodge, home of the former owner (named John Howard, just to be confusing), who donated the land as a park to the City of Toronto on his death. The lodge was closed today, but seems to house a small museum. We could see a largeish lake down below, called Grenadier Pond, and beyond that Lake Ontario itself, which stretched to the curved horizon like a calm ocean. We walked down the hill, across an avenue, under a highway overpass, across another road, and found ourselves at the lakeshore (called a "beach" here, and indeed it is sandy). Very nice. I like to be near water. A large bathhouse-looking building was located at that spot, and a walking/cycling path passed by and seemed to go on for quite a distance in both directions. Not many people about on this chilly day.

By now feeling we had had a good outing, we backtracked to the avenue and caught a trolley towards downtown. Fumiko had found an agency that offers counseling to new immigrants and we headed there. It was in a rather posh office and I began to worry that she had misunderstood and would be charged a fee. But no, it really was government-funded and free. I waited outside while Fumiko had her consultation. They recommended that Fumiko take a language assessment test and sign up for a job-finding workshop.

We then went to nearby Queen Street, which has a lot of trendy shops -- lots of furniture stores, for some reason, as well as nightclubs and restaurants. We wandered along it looking in windows, and stopped for french-fried onion rings at a fast-food chain; not as good as New York, says Fumiko.

So wandering, we happened on a The Beer Store! A regular storefront, but when we entered it was very crowded and noisy. After our eyes and ears adjusted a bit, we saw that it was filled with street people who were cashing in beer bottles and cans. The cans/bottles had to be put into plastic bins provided and then placed on a rolling conveyor to the cash register. I think the transfer from bag to bin, and then the conveyor belt, was causing the noise. On the wall was a huge chart of all the brands and sizes and prices that were available -- about a hundred brands, and each had 2-8 prices (6 small cans, 12 large bottles, etc.). It took us a while to digest all this, but eventually we bought a six-pack of Schlitz large cans for $10.80 -- only six because we now had to lug them home on the trolley.

Getting tired, and the usual late-afternoon rain/sleet startiing to fall, we head home by trolley. (Four or five trolley lines ply their way across town from the downtown center to outlying areas both east and west. Trolley #504 goes along King Street from the core right down our shopping street (Roncesvalles), so we use that a lot; it's much closer and more pleasant than the subway.) Arriving at our door, we see a large potted plant covered in cellophane sitting on the floor -- it's a bush of tiny orchids! My daughter Sarai and her husband have sent a welcome gift and were apparently impressed by my report of high heat -- amazing!

The Internet was robust this evening, so we could pursue our various projects. I am researching various printers: inkjet color, multi- or single-function (problem is the inks are so expensive) or laser black-and-white (cheaper ink but less versatile); then how to give access from two computers -- Ethernet to router, or wireless, or just move the USB cable? Very time-consuming to research this, including consulting stores in U.S. that I know, and then discovering stores in Canada, and then checking Craigslist and Kijiji to see what's available on the gray market. I now have a big spreadsheet of the various possibilities, but I'm still far from a conclusion.

I finally type up a list of problems that we want the landlord to see to -- more light in the kitchen, a tub mat to prevent slips, etc., and email it to him. We are also working on a fairly long list of stuff for me to try and bring up from New York: baking pan, a stapler, file folders, small bedside light, etc., etc. It's hard to accept that there are things we need, that we own, but that we can't make use of, just because they happen to be sitting in New York while we are in Toronto! And if we buy new ones here, then someday we'll have two (or five or six, actually, since we have many duplicates in New York).

Tuesday morning we wake up to see a dusting of snow everywhere -- the first we have seen from the start (not counting remnants of that which fell before we arrived). It looks lovely. The Internet is dependable again this morning. I am moving money around on the Internet, hoping to be able to bring back some cash from New York. (It's either expensive or time-consuming or both to transfer money across national borders, I find. I'm still looking for a solution.) But I may have started too late, so I may not be able to assemble the cash in time to withdraw it before I return to Toronto.

Fumiko registers for her language assessment test on Thursday, and for a Job-Finding Workshop that meets for four evenings next week, while I am away. She does all this, by the way, using Skype, an Internet-based phone service that charges a pittance per call. Since there is no landline phone in the apartment, we depend on that -- the cell phone service I have chosen is 30 cents per minute, so I am stingy with it, at least for now. Skype works pretty well (as long as we have Internet!).

After lunch, we head out for a walk, stopping at the library for Fumiko to check out some leisure reading (well, not completely leisure, since the books are in English). Then we decide to go back to the No Frills supermarket, this time starting at our house, to see if we can find a shortcut. We walk through the residential area, admiring the large houses and lawns, and indeed it is only a 20-minute walk (on our first visit, it took about 45 minutes to walk home). Again we while away an hour or so buying a few staple items and investigating their stock. (Lately, shopping seems to be a major activity...) Coming home near dark, the sidewalks have become icy and we pick our way with care.

The evening's highlight is managing to locate Boston Legal on the TV! A number of my favorite shows are either between seasons or not available in Canada (House? Bones? The Closer?). I enjoy BL, even without the privilege of pausing it as I do in New York with my DVR. (I must research that here...)

Wednesday morning the landlord came to address several of the problems on my list, and we received a second desk from the basement for me to use. After rearranging some furniture, now we each have a fairly adequate workspace, and the kitchen table can be reserved for eating. Another walk-and-shop outing, this time on our local shopping street. We found a funky video store with wonderful ice cream cones: they're called "baby size," but it seemed like a normal single-scoop to me, for $1.25! I bought some new (literally) sweatpants at a second-hand clothing store, and we managed to find some laundry detergent powder in a one-month size (as opposed to what looked like a six-month size or a one-wash size).

I did laundry for the first time at the new apartment. This is rather cumbersome, since the washer and dryer are located in the basement, which is reached by going outdoors, around to the side of the building, unlock a door and use all my strength to wrench it open, and go down a rather dicey set of steps. At least three trips are necessary, since it's not a place one wants to spend more than a few minutes, and I made four trips since I wasn't sure how long it would take to dry (1 hour). Well, not ideal but tolerable, and probably a little better than taking the laundry to the shopping street to do it.

01/13/08: Settling in, little by little

2008-01-13T21:06:00.000-05:00

On Friday, we moved, loading all our luggage into a van-size taxi and riding the two miles between the guest house and our new apartment. It's taking us some time to unpack and get things the way we like them, but we really like it, warts and all. The landlord is a very cheery and energetic, almost elfin, man, with a young pregnant Korean wife. He's forever fixing, and yet there's always more to do. He installed a new range hood with fan yesterday, which Fumiko coveted. He brought us a 50-ft Ethernet cable for times when the wireless signal is weak. He unclogged the drain in the bathroom sink and replaced the toilet flush ball, which kept gurgling. This morning the heat was off (odd, since usually it's like a sauna in here, and we open windows) -- apparently the pilot light on the furnace went out. This afternoon, we had no Internet for a few hours -- the provider is flaky, he says, but he's already switched twice! We have a little list of more things for him to fix or provide -- but our affection for our new digs is still undimmed.

We went into town on Friday to register for OHIP, the national health insurance. We learned that we couldn't register without a lease or some proof that we had a "permanent" residence (the term is losing meaning for me), but that in any case we wouldn't be eligible for services until April 7, three months after we entered the country, so there's no rush. The health system is administered differently in different provinces, so whoever told Fumiko to rush right down and sign up may have been in Vancouver or somewhere. We also learned that we have to be present for five of the first six months to qualify for health services, and that may be difficult for me. (After the first 6 months, only 5 months in 12 is necessary.) I'll have to inquire further about this.

It's been chilly here, and a few snow flurries. We've been putting a lot of energy into grocery shopping -- we went to a huge Korean supermarket a few subway stops away and Fumiko spent a happy hour there. The nearest "regular" supermarket is quite a hike, or a trolley ride, and the transport fare is $2.25 for Fumiko and $1.50 for me per ride. We walked there yesterday -- an enormous "big box" called No Frills, where the carts are more like small trucks and the sale prices are truly amazing, though the non-sale prices are not so different from the D'Agostino lookalike near our apartment. Incidentally, since the Canadian and U.S. dollar are virtually at par lately, it's easy for me to compare prices directly. The only problem is the occasional gram or kilogram measure (though they do also deal in pound weights). For instance, there was this long thin slab of cheese at No Frills for $3.97. I knew that it was a bargain, but I couldn't immediately tell how much of one. Now I've worked it out: it's marked 520 grams, and 500 grams is about a pound. In New York, I buy 8 oz. of cheese for $2.50 on sale, so this is less than half as expensive as that!

Now that her cold is getting better, Fumiko wants to buy some beer, but it's not simple. Grocery stores and delis can't sell it, or any alcoholic beverage -- only special outlets, apparently. I don't pretend to understand the situation, but we found a site www.thebeerguy.ca that delivers beer and liquor to your door! Another site www.beerhunter.ca maps all the outlets, and shows that the nearest place to buy beer is about a 15-minute walk from our apartment. So I think we'll use thebeerguy!

After trying to use my American credit card to top up our prepaid phone and having it rejected, I tried to apply for a Canadian card online. Got nowhere with my new SIN -- I'm like a newborn with no past at all, at least no financial past! So, we went back to our bank on a snowy Saturday afternoon, and lucked out with a jivey young man who whipped through two applications (so we each build a credit history here, he said) in under 15 minutes! His manager will kindly sign the application, overriding a couple of standard requirements, and in a couple of weeks, hopefully, new cards will arrive in the mail.

We've also struggled with the television: it's a satellite subscription service and it's a multi-day project to learn, mostly by experimentation, how to use the remote. The programs offered seem to be similar to the U.S. (except that there's a lot of French versions -- "Harry Potter et la coupe de feu"), but we haven't figured out how to reduce the list of 500 or so to a manageable few, so we keep scrolling through everything to find something to watch.

Looking ahead, we've planned a trip Feb. 7-10 to visit our only Canadian friends, Mike and Guy in Ottawa, timing it for the Winterlude festival there. We'll go by train, a trip of about 4 hours. I've been there once, square dancing, but Fumiko never has, and we're both looking forward to the change of place, and to having a good visit with Mike and Guy.

And I'm working on travel arrangements for a return visit to New York, perhaps for the week of Jan. 20, to check on my apartment-mate, read the mail, and continue with physical therapy on my ankle. The air fare Toronto to New York is outrageous -- $469 to $722 for round trip -- unless I can find a Deal (as we did to come here last week, when we paid only $150 one way). Otherwise, I'll try to go by bus or train to Buffalo and fly to New York from there. This is a well-known dodge, apparently, by people who need to travel between Toronto and New York often, but I won't be sure about all the wrinkles until I do it once.

We have no landline phone here, so we've been using Skype on Fumiko's computer, trying to use the cell phone sparingly, as those 30-cent minutes mount up quickly. I'll also try to put Skype on my Mac and see if it works okay; I'll have to learn it, I guess, and not just lean on Fumiko. We also went to see about getting a new printer today. (The ethernet printer we had been using in New York since 2001 has aged less than gracefully and is now barely adequate, so we'll leave it there.) Not only are printers expensive, but the ink is shockingly pricey -- $30 and $40 for a single cartridge, and two cartridges are necessary, more than the price of the printer! This needs more research.

My final problem for today is my email. I've been trying to access one of my email accounts as POP mail so I can use my Mac mail client rather than doing it all through a browser, which is clumsy. (In New York, I send everything to the mail account of my provider, so I get it directly rather than over the Internet.) I've juggled about 10 different setup parameters and so far there are still problems. Uuurrrgghhh!

Maybe tomorrow will be the time to explore the park.

01/10/08: Getting established in Toronto

2008-01-10T22:08:00.000-05:00

Here is the fascinating saga of how, in three days, we graduated from being raw newcomers to having a toehold in Canadian society.

Monday night we acclimated ourselves to our guest house situation, and mined the Toronto Craigslist for possible apartments to see -- furnished and not too far away from public transportation. Our room is in the basement of the guest house. This is a common location for a living space in Toronto, so in retrospect it's good we had this early experience of it. We didn't like it: low ceilings (I have to keep remembering not to stretch my arms upward when I take off a t-shirt), a damp chill, noise from above, and not much daylight. (We later saw a basement apartment which was much better than this, but in general we prefer to be above ground, even for a higher price.) Despite other points of unhappiness with this room, we decided to stick it out rather than spend the better part of a day finding another and moving all our luggage.

Tuesday, our first full day in Toronto, was a day of exploration. Again, it was unseasonably warm, about 50 degrees, but with a stiff cold wind. We learned a bit about the transportation system (which is excellent -- buses and subways are frequent and frequented by all segments of the Toronto population), and bought a ten-trip discount ticket strip. We took a look at a bank account and a cell phone, retreating to do a little more research. We saw three apartments, all in the area a little north of downtown but still well within a bus and subway ride: first was a basement one-bedroom that was not only a basement but tiny, for $999 a month. The second, from the same realtor, was a second-floor "penthouse" (because it's the top floor...) that was pleasant enough but also a little small, for $1249 (this guy thinks like a discount store). The third was a basement apartment in a suburban-type house that was lighter and warmer than one would expect, but a bit small and a little too far from civilization, and the bathroom was located across a semi-public hall from the main apartment. The owner, a charming Asian woman, wanted $975 and a six-month commitment, and we said we'd get back to her. We tried to treat ourselves to a nice dinner, but either we chose poorly, or Fumiko is right that there are no decent restaurants in Toronto (compared to Tokyo -- or even New York). Home, to more Craigslist for me, and an evening of groggily watching TV and fighting off a cold for Fumiko.

On Wednesday, the temperature dropped to 40, but the wind was truly fierce. Though there were more frustrations, ultimately more progress was made. We started early, walking to a 9 a.m. appointment to see a sublet not far away. A single woman had a really lovely two floors, bedroom and den, living, dining and kitchen. She's going away for two months and leaving her apartment and her cat to someone, for $700 a month! Quite amazing. I'm not sure why we weren't more excited by it than we were. Anyway, we submitted references and awaited her decision.

We went to the mall to get a Virgin prepaid-plan cell phone. The process was not without glitches: the Wal-Mart sales girl recommended a particular Samsung phone, and then when we ordered it said it was out of stock! I was disgusted, vowing never to set foot in Wal-Mart again. Then we found an actual Virgin phone kiosk right outside the store, so we went there and succeeded (we thought) in buying a phone.

From there to another mall up the road to open a bank account at Canada Trust. They offer a practically free account for those over 60, even when the person is joint with an under-60 one. However, it took over an hour to accomplish this -- many questions, many papers, currency exchange, etc. I couldn't believe it, and was irritable and twitchy by the time we finally exited the bank with our ATM cards and checks.

On the way home, we bought another 10-trip ticket strip, this time at a senior discount, $15.00 instead of $22.50. I had found out that anyone can buy these, and when youf use them you can be "carded" for over-65 ID, but a New York driver's license is fine!

Home to check email and set up another apartment viewing. We also tried to charge the new cell phone so that we could activate it and start to use it, but the charger plug didn't seem to fit in the phone. Incredulous, I called Virgin and the salesgirl said, "Oh, you must have gotten one of the packages with the wrong charger!" I was livid. "If you know that some have non-matching chargers, why don't you at least warn us so we can check before we leave the store!!??"

So, after lunch we headed back to the mall to exchange the phone, and then on to see a two-bedroom apartment near High Park for $1500. This was more than we had planned to spend, but I am now thinking that we need a place that we are glad to come home to, that nourishes us a bit as we struggle to start a new life, and I think we can afford it. The park itself charmed us -- a largish and partially wild stretch that reminded us of Central Park. The neighborhood was also inviting, with large well-designed houses on hilly plots, and people very neighborly. This particular house is owned by a very talkative man who fixes up and furnishes apartments for weekly rentals in the summer, but lowers the price to rent them monthly during the winter. He seems to be in constant fix-up mode, with a long laundry list of things to be done. However, we loved the apartment (or what we could see of it, since it was under renovation at the moment). An odd layout, with the bath, large master bedroom, and huge kitchen all branching off the entry, then the kitchen leading to a medium-sized living room, and then a small bedroom with bunk beds beyond the living room. So someone sleeping in the small bedroom would have to go through the living room, kitchen, and entryway to reach the bathroom. But it was well heated (t-shirt weather), bright, simply but well decorated, and a little quirky. Something about it really warmed us -- not only our bodies, after two days of clouds and wind and a chilly basement, but also our spirits.

After we left there, we walked two blocks in the other direction to get the trolley on Roncesvalles Avenue and discovered a lovely shopping street with Polish butchers, used book store, a modern library, and a natural foods store selling soy sauce and tofu! The whole situation seemed marvelous and I could imagine days spent at my computer, with time out for a run in the park and/or a stroll along the shopping street or a stop at the library. Life in Toronto began to seem possible.

Fumiko kept saying she is adaptable and can live anywhere, I should decide. I don't like being in that position. Happily, we got home to find an email from the $700 landlady saying that she had chosen another applicant, who got there before us, so I didn't have to make that decision (a good place for $700 or a wonderful one for $1500 is a hard call for me...). I did one more pass on Craigslist and found a few more possibilities and sent off email. Fumiko's cold was worse and she went to bed early.

Thursday: Fumiko was feeling better today, finally. The temperature was near freezing, but we dressed warmly (feeling a little like visiting eskimos as the local people wore jackets...) and did okay. We went downtown, for the first time since we arrived, to see a large one-bedroom on the 28th floor, smack in the center of the business district (Yonge and Gerrard). The apartment was very nice, well furnished with large rooms, and only $1250. The building has sofas in the laundry room (on the second floor), and a swimming pool and saunas for tenant use. It's just REALLY urban -- like being on Times Square in New York. No nature and no neighborhood feeling. It was a test for us -- do we want an apartment without problems in the city, or one with charm and flaws in the "country"?

While pondering this, we had lunch at a not-bad Vietnamese restaurant, and went to a nearby bank to convert Fumiko's yen to about Cdn$4000, and then another bank to deposit it. Bi-cultural couple: we argued about how the ATM would handle a deposit of cash, with Fumiko right on some points, based on her experience in Japan, and me right on others, based on my experience in the U.S. So, it does take cash (in an envelope), but it doesn't count it -- humans later verify the deposit. Japanese ATMs count the cash right then and there.

Then we happened on City Hall and went in to inquire about immigration services. We applied for and received our SINs (like Social Security numbers). This means that we can now apply for a Canadian credit card, not to mention get a job!

By this time, we had pretty much decided on the High Park apartment. We took the trolley from downtown out to there, which took about 30 minutes. We continued to feel good about the neighborhood, and felt we would enjoy the apartment even with its quirks. Fumiko liked the idea of a "spare room," so people could come and visit us even in this early stage of our new life. And she began nagging the owner to fix the kitchen fan (this is something we never had in New York). On our way back to the guest house, we stopped at the library and got cards, using our new address!

So, three days after arriving, we have a bank account, a phone, an apartment, SINs, and library cards! Not bad. Tomorrow we move house!

01/07/08: To Toronto and PR status

2008-01-08T09:17:00.000-05:00

Well, we made it! Step by step, conquering each anxiety and obstacle as it arrived.

We woke up early, as usual, but had enough time to do everything -- me pack my stuff and Fumiko to bring the apartment to her high standard of neatness and clear out the refrigerator. At the last minute, there was a flurry, since the car service did not call ahead 20 minutes, but only when the driver had arrived, and it took us 15 minutes to wrangle all our stuff down to the curb. The driver was pleasant, helped us to stuff all 8 items into the sedan, and we were at LaGuardia by 11:30.

Waited a while to check in. The clerk barely glanced at the scale, she was so busy talking to the clerk next door, so our four heavy pieces, which we thought might be barely under the weight limit, flew through. Then we were stuck with three luggage carts, they wouldn't check them through, but at the gate again the official didn't even glance at our luggage. An uneventful and seemingly brief flight.

In Toronto, it was overcast and drizzling, but very warm, just like New York. I carried my down coat around. First stop is customs, with the standard little card to fill out. Perhaps just to be perverse, I listed "two oranges and bread" on our card. Fumiko was beside herself. Fifteen minutes wait, but we just missed a flood of incoming people, so we felt lucky. "What is the purpose of your visit today?" "We're landing!" Oranges were noted, but no problem.

Then to Immigration, which was empty, so no wait. A pleasant and rather silent young woman filled in the multi-part forms we had brought from the consulate in New York and, in about ten minutes, we had been accepted and our permanent residence (PR) cards were in the works, to be mailed to the lawyer's office since we don't have an address yet.

Then we claimed our luggage and went to stand in a long line for people who can't be waved through customs (missing bags, duty to pay, etc.). This was a pain, and rather unpleasant, surrounded by people being interrogated and luggage being pawed through. I took a picture of Fumiko and our luggage, but an official called out that it was not permitted, so I stopped at one. At last we were called, and a very charming young man was highly impressed with my inventory list. Didn't open anything. We told him about freecycle and he told us about kijiji. After about 20 minutes, we were duly admitted, with an officially stamped copy of my list.

Then to the taxi line. After some investigating, it developed that $52 was the bottom price for so many bags, and so we waited about half an hour in the "van line" for a large-size taxi, and then another half hour negotiating rush-hour traffic. Finally arrived at the guest house at 5:30 p.m. Happily, the daughter of the proprietor was there to welcome us. Mission complete!

01/06/08: Tomorrow is the day!

2008-01-08T09:16:00.000-05:00

So, we're about ready. I can't believe it. I was sure we'd be madly doing a million things at the last minute, but I have time to re-reorganize the back of the linen closet! Fumiko is taking a lot of stuff, but I plan to be back in New York every few weeks for a while, so initially I'm just taking daily necessities. Fumiko will use all of our four checked luggage allowance for herself, and she has packed and repacked now umpteen times, to get everything within the size and weight limits.

I have reworked the inventory list a number of times, and am now satisfied that, despite being more than necessary, it is at least internally consistent and as accurate as I could make it. I've used the acquisition date of "<1980" liberally, allowing myself thus to ignore all details older than 27 years! The list comes to 14 pages (two parts: Goods Entering Now and Goods to Come), about 450 lines, and a total value for all our possessions (excluding money and securities) of $11,750.

At almost the last minute, I settled on a paying house-sitter who seems quiet and dependable, so I'm relieved not to have to leave the apartment empty. Her name is Kristin, and she's pleased that I can leave her a spare computer (the iMac that I have recently replaced with a portable iBook), and in turn I've asked her to check her email twice a day, at least. For the time being, email will be the only way to contact us. We have purchased a wireless adapter for Fumiiko's XP computer (my MacOSX of course comes with!), so we are set to take advantage of the free connections that seem to be liberally offered at hotels and sublets in Toronto.

The last week has been pretty depressing, so many possessions everywhere and the process of sorting, purging, organizing, and storing seemed endless. We both dragged around the apartment in a fog, taking every excuse to watch television and/or work sudoku puzzles. Finally, on Friday morning, I got a cold, which allowed me to be lazy with dignity. By this morning (Sunday), it seems to have cleared up, thank the goddess!

12/19/07: We've decided to go

2007-12-20T08:07:00.000-05:00

After a few days of icy relations (and, on my side, fear that I would have to reorient my entire life), we ironed things out and, soon after, decided to make the leap. We got air tickets for Monday, January 7, 2008. The apartment situation here is unresolved: it seems clear now that I can only sublet at the much higher rent ($2500 or so over my current rent), and that if the subtenant defaults, I myself would be liable for this higher rent until/unless I go to court to have the matter resolved. Expensive. So, I will plan to go back and forth for a while (to establish that I still live here) and possibly get a short-term house-sitter. But, I have to cross the border and "land" before Fumiko can do so, so we'll do that on the 7th.

The apartment is only very slowly getting organized after the influx of stuff from my mom's apartment. We're having a few people for dinner on 12/24, so we have to clean up before then! Fumiko is also under pressure to divide her stuff into "take now" and "take later" piles. Since I'll be coming and going, I can postpone most of those decisions. I'm still agonizing about the inventory list to hand in at the Canadian border. Best opinion says it's no big deal, but I'm having nightmares of being sent back because of some inadequacy there. Also, I'm starting to think about matters Canadian, mainly a bank account and a cell phone.

I had a tooth pulled and five filled, had MRI and x-ray of a troublesome ankle (twisted last April and still weak), and will now start physical therapy for it. The follow-up appointments alone mean that I will need to return a few times to New York.

12/12/07: More trouble

2007-12-12T07:44:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, my real estate lawyer finally reported in. He's been exchanging phone messages with the landlord for three weeks, and yesterday the agent called to say that the sublet would not be at my very low rent but at some "official" market-level rent, 3 or 4 times my rate. This is alarming, and probably not legal, but the situation is complicated by various layers of recent rulings and agreements that no one understands completely. I will get our tenants' association lawyer to talk to my lawyer about it. I also got a call from one of our potential subtenants (two roommates had applied) to say that her situation has changed and she is withdrawing. There is a new roommate proposed, but she and the other roommate have never met. Not to mention that our apartment at the moment is in no condition to be viewed!

In the wake of these events (and having just had our celebratory wine), Fumiko and I had a big fight. We've had a rocky time lately, actually, with moments of good feeling and cooperation heavily larded with spiteful and angry exchanges. I'm hoping that this is just the stress of the situation, but we've had these times before. The only time that we didn't was during the years that we lived in Japan. I'm hoping that Canada will be like Japan, not like the U.S. (or Mexico or Guatemala). But if we can't live together peacefully there, I want to be able to come back to my apartment in New York. During this particular fight, Fumiko said that she has given up her situation in Japan and that it's not fair that I should keep mine. I should get rid of a lot of my stuff and give up the apartment, she said. I wonder, if we broke up, would she stay in Canada or go back to Japan? We'll have to talk.

12/11/07: Goodbye to Mom's home

2007-12-12T07:33:00.000-05:00

For two weeks, we've done not much besides emptying Mom's apartment. Like an archeological site, we peeled off the layers: stuff in daily use, stuff packed away for the past decade or so, stuff left over from even before that. Hard to believe there could be so much in one three-room apartment.

I have this problem about throwing out stuff, so it was harder than it might have been for a normal person (like Fumiko, just to take one example). The pile was slowly reduced, and we went every day to sort, give away, rearrange, and clean up. On almost the last day, I suddenly "saw" the full-length mirror attached to the inside of a closet door, and quickly found a home for that on freecycle. I took down the spice racks, the pencil sharpener, the picture hooks, etc.

On what we thought would be the last day, a high-end charity came with a truck to take away a bunch of things, but they rejected the dining room table, which I had been unable to sell. It was not "resalable," they said. Well, the top surface has a few bad places, but it's a very large, strong table. Seemed really useful to me. Anyway, we extended our effort for another day, hoping to find someone who wanted it for free. Despite a few inquiries, no one could pick it up right now, so I finally caved. The superintendent said we could just leave it there, so on Tuesday afternoon I formally vacated the apartment, abandoning the table.

The process itself was not painful for me, as some have kindly suggested, aside from an attack of nostalgia from time to time. Actually saying goodbye to the apartment brought a few tears, however, as I remembered how happy Mom had been here for 40 years, with its stupendous view from the 34th floor, and how hard I have worked for the past four years to enable her to stay here.

As an experience, emptying the apartment was interesting. It's not like actual moving, where you just decide what remains part of this collection of stuff, and then transport the collection to a new space. Here, the collection as an entity is terminated, and each item has to be dealt with individually (or did, with me...). I wanted to "find a good home" for each thing, and we largely succeeded. Very very little actually got trashed.

Returning home with our last load, we looked back on two weeks of ferrying things from Mom's apartment on the East Side to ours on the West Side. Arriving home each night, we are appalled at the mess we have created. There hasn't been time to unpack the boxes and store away the contents, so our apartment has become a warehouse with narrow aisles threading through. We had a celebratory glass of wine and sighed, putting off until tomorrow the next cleanup project.

I've also been catching up with doctor and dentist appointments, preparatory to diving into the Canadian health care system. Point A, we have a three-month waiting period before we can take advantage of that system; point B, I have good insurance here that can't be transferred, including dental insurance.

12/03/07: Emptying Mom's apartment

2007-12-03T07:59:00.000-05:00

Life lately has been completely saturated with Things. Furniture, clothing, dishes, etc., etc. It took 3 days for me and Fumiko to clear out all the closets and cupboards, and to arrange everything for maximum sale. Each day, we trek over to Mom's apartment, and each evening we come back to our own apartment, which is almost as cluttered!

On Friday night, my son and daughter and daughter-in-law came over to help with pricing. We really appreciated their help, as Fumiko and I were a little bleary-eyed (not sleeping well lately), and we also enjoyed their company, a Chinese take-out dinner, and the incredible night view from the 34th floor out over the East River and all of Queens.

The sale the next day, Saturday 12-5, was successful. I posted signs around the neighborhood, in addition to several notices on electronic bulletin boards. We took in about $600 and got rid of a lot of stuff, but at the end there was still a lot left! So, I guess I'll spend a good deal of this week packing and sending to charities, etc., as well as negotiating pickups through the freight elevator process here. A few items I can't bear to throw out or give away I'm listing on eBay at high starting prices. Obviously, despite my good intentions to be practical, even ruthless, in getting rid of stuff, I've gotten caught up in the process...

Sister Margie reports that Mom is settling in well at her new home in Boston, and seems to be happy there. For her own part, Margie is energetically taking charge of the many little details needed to support and cushion Mom's daily life. Nothing I need to worry about there!

On another front, the real estate lawyer is still trying to make meaningful contact with my landlord's representative to get formal permission to sublet. It's been about two weeks now, which includes a week off (on both sides?) for Thanksgiving.

11/29/07: Mom is settled in Boston!

2007-11-29T07:17:00.000-05:00

We did it! On Tuesday, Fumiko and Mom and I took the Amtrak Acela express to Boston and successfully installed Mom in her new home. On Mom's part, it was a largely peaceful transition. She enjoyed the train ride, which included a number of "snacks," and was impressed with the attractive building and grounds of the nursing home (Hebrew Senior Life). Her personal space there is of course rather small, but my sister Margie was cheerful about taking to her house some of the mountain of Mom's possessions we had brought, to hold for future needs. Margie reported the next day that Mom seemed to be busy and happy there, and Margie was very optimistic about her adjustment.

To backtrack a bit, I had a busy weekend. On Saturday, I washed almost every bit of Mom's clothing that is washable (if not machine washable, I won't send it). I hadn't realized until then what a lot of clothing Mom actually owns. I referred to the coming trip about every two minutes during the day (Let's take this when we go to your new home in Boston on Tuesday..."), and I instructed the weekend caretakers to continue this litany. Even so, she continued to express surprise from time to time (and one of her reactions after arrival in Boston was that no one had prepared her for this!).

Sunday afternoon we had a party at Mom's apartment for six of the current and just-past caretakers who have worked with her. They were all interested in meeting each other, and in saying good-bye to Mom. Fortunately, Mom does seem to evoke affection in others very easily! We brought in fried chicken and wine, Fumiko made miso soup and salad, and Cora (one of the helpers) brought a big apple pie. I encouraged the helpers to take some memento of Mom (clothing, book, art object), and almost all of them chose a few books to take away.

On Monday, I went to a little cake-and-coffee ceremony at Mom's day center, where everyone said good-bye. Mom was very gracious and appreciative. Monday afternoon and evening was a whirlwind of packing. I quickly realized that we would have to cut back on taking everything, but even so we had four suitcases and a cardboard box, including two radios, her calendar-clock, and a number of framed family photographs, plus the wheelchair and a walker!

I slept over at Mom's and got up at 6 to start gathering loose ends. Contrary to my fears, Mom woke up easily and was full of energy and cheer. Fumiko arrived at 7 and began wrestling the luggage into some portable mass. We were downstairs ready to go, Mom in her Queen-Elizabeth red hat looking very pert, by 8:40. By 8:45, the car had not arrived, so I called and they had lost my reservation! They promised to send another by 9 a.m., but I was a bit distraught, since the train leaves at 10. We managed to cram everything into the standard sedan when it arrived, and I white-knuckled it through the heavy traffic for 30 minutes. We got to Penn Station at 9:40, somehow blundered our awkward way to the elevator, picked up the tickets, and were escorted to the train by a redcap. In our seats with 5 minutes to spare!

The ride was pleasant, we arrived on time (actually a little before we expected, so we had a mad scramble to get out before the doors closed on us), found a taxi and got to the nursing home at about 2 p.m., right on schedule. Margie was there to meet us and we successfully negotiated the various formalities. At 4, I said a quick good-bye to Mom, and Fumiko and I left to have dinner with my Boston son and his family. Margie seemed to be gamely taking up the reins of control, and for myself I could only feel an enormous relief as I turned over to her almost all my responsibilities (I'll still be handling the finances from a distance). I hope Mom will do well there, and I think she will. Everyone seemed very friendly; lots of kissing, which Mom likes. And lately she's been so confused about where she lives and what her life consists of that I don't think she will actually miss anything. One small advantage of dementia is the absence of nostalgia and regret.

We were back in New York by midnight, and up early the next morning to begin the process of emptying Mom's apartment. Though it's exhausting work, I feel some satisfaction at clearing out cabinets and closets of 40 years of accumulated stuff, which I have been trying to ignore and work around during the past 4 years of caring for Mom. Most of the stuff has no history for me (ancient suitcases, an iron with a frayed cord, etc.), but occasionally there are surprises, like a huge white Irish linen tablecloth with the labels still intact. We'll have an apartment sale and then donate what's left over.

11/24/07: A breakthrough!

2007-11-24T06:47:00.000-05:00

Last Tuesday afternoon, two days before Thanksgiving, the (first) nursing home called to say they had a bed. Fumiko thinks this was because I had just mailed the application to the second nursing home the day before! (Although neither of the two applications they claimed to have mailed has ever arrived, I asked my son in Boston to go over there on Sunday, pick one up, scan it, and email it to me, which he did -- he's a computer professional with a houseful of hi-tech stuff).

So, after some jockeying, we arranged to bring Mom to Boston on Tuesday 11/27 for admission. Fumiko and I will take her on the train. Between now and then is Thanksgiving, packing, and a couple of good-bye parties. Although Mom may not remember the parties, perhaps they will help her accept the change, and they will definitely help others to deal with her leaving. (In particular, Mom has a devoted admirer at her day center who will be devastated at the loss. They originally met at Mom's previous day center, and this woman changed centers when Mom did, two years ago. I would call her a "friend," except that Mom seems relatively unconscious of this affection.)

Thanksgiving was very nice, at my daughter's in the suburbs of Westchester County. Mom seemed to enjoy herself, and only got cranky and demanding toward the end of the day. Coming home was a struggle -- first a car, then the train (crowded), then the elevator at 125th Station was broken, so two policemen carried Mom in her chair down two flights of stairs. Then the chair wouldn't fold up, so we took a bus rather than taxi home, arriving about 10 p.m.

On Friday I bought train tickets, and planned a party for all the current and recent helpers for Sunday. I also talked to Mom's doctor about the state of her bowels, which have been very loose lately, making toileting more of a problem; I'm worried about frequent toilet access during the 3.5-hour train ride. Today, Saturday, is for talking and packing. I decided to delay talking to Mom about the move until today, when I'm there for the day. Thanksgiving is complicated enough without adding Boston to the brew (though other family members were eager to discuss the new developments, and I had to keep shushing them). I don't know how Mom will react to the actuality of it. We have talked about it as a future event, and she behaved as though we were discussing a third person, but now it is definite. I don't want to have to drag her to the train kicking and screaming.

11/17/07: Stress is building

2007-11-24T06:46:00.000-05:00

We had a big argument, in which Thanksgiving was both a cause and an effect. It ended, and we will have a nice Thanksgiving at my daughter's home, but the fight perhaps showed that we are both nervous about making so many changes in our life.

In ten days, I have been unable to get an application for the second nursing home. They claim to have mailed it twice, but it doesn't arrive. I wonder if they will be able to care for my mother properly?

We have had five new helpers in the last few weeks, which has meant a lot of work for me interviewing and training and stress for Mom, who gets anxious with new people, and with the feeling of being left out during the interview/training process. It's starting to settle down now, finally.

Aside from training helpers, we spend a lot of time trying to organize the stuff in the household, giving a lot away on freecycle and succeeding in reducing the clutter considerably. Fumiko has found an ad for a desirable job in Toronto, sent a resume, and received an encouraging response, so she is eager to get there and start living. I am glad we have a few more weeks, since the apartment is still covered with piles and boxes of stuff to be dealt with.

I got in touch with my real estate lawyer (whom I engaged some months ago for this purpose) and had him begin the sublet negotiations with my landlord, who is so far proving evasive. I also requested liquidation of one of Mom's securities, to generate cash for the (hopefully) soon-to-come nursing home. This was the final step in a chain. I didn't want to sell anything that would result in a large capital gain, and I didn't want large checks floating around in the mail. So, I set up direct deposit to Mom's bank (get form from company, trip to bank with Mom for signature guarantee, copy and mail form), and determined the cost basis for this security for taxes (call bank to request reinvestment history since 1984, then several calls to interpret and verify this information). See what an exciting life I have?

The weather is turning cold, and we are reminded that it may be much colder in Canada. However, watching the temperature ranges on Yahoo, it doesn't seem that Toronto is that much colder than New York, just a few degrees. Now, Ottawa is another story...

11/07/07: Plan B

2007-11-08T06:23:00.000-05:00

Fumiko was in Toronto from Saturday to Tuesday, and returned full of enthusiasm and energy. The vague idea of "Canada" is now a reality! Her immediate impressions (comparing Toronto to New York and Tokyo): Toronto is tiny; everyone is kind and helpful beyond belief; prices are high (even after the 8% premium to convert U.S. into Canadian dollars!). She stayed at a Japanese B&B near the University of Toronto (i.e., near the downtown area) and immediately made friends with all and sundry -- two people are visiting us in New York this coming weekend! There is a large Japanese population in Toronto, not to mention throngs of other East Asians, South Asians, and Middle Eastern folk. Fumiko says that at times she could not believe she was in Canada because there were so many non-white people on the streets. She brought back maps and local newspapers (in English and Japanese), and dreams of running her own small-scale B&B.

The nursing home continues to be polite but vague. When I asked if the forms for medical history had been sent out, the social worker said "The secretary is working on it," which I assume means she really doesn't know. Nothing stands in the way of admission, she says, except waiting for a bed (x people must die), and that cannot be predicted. Other steps in our move are waiting until Mom moves (or has a date to do so) -- closing her apartment and subletting my apartment -- and I have nightmares of it turning into January or February before she gets admitted. Unthinkable. So, yesterday I called a few other places in Boston and found one that is also near my sister and has vacancies; they will send forms and I'll apply there also. My sister is, understandably, opposed to a double move (to this place temporarily, and then to the desirable nursing home when it becomes available). I am, too, in theory, but I need a Plan B to avoid getting stranded here. On the homecare front, two helpers left (one for good reason and one not so) in the past two weeks, so another hiring/training effort has become necessary. This time I'm warning applicants that it is a temporary job.

Fumiko's sister recently had an operation to reduce her pain from osteoporosis, and to increase her range of movement. Contrary to Fumiko's fears, other member of the family stepped forward to assist in this difficult time, and the patient seems to be doing well so far, and to be optimistic about the long-term results of the procedure.

11/01/07: Not much new

2007-11-01T19:02:00.000-04:00

The application has reached the nursing home, and I have stressed to the social worker there the importance of speed. We really want to move Mom in 4-6 weeks, so if they can't take her that soon, maybe we'll consider a temporary location.

Fumiko is going to Toronto this weekend for three days. She got a cheap fare on Continental (US$162 round trip), and found a Japanese B&B there. A friend of a friend will guide her for part of a day.

We are slowly working our way through the apartment, inventorying everything and deciding what to keep, what to give away, etc. Very slowly -- it takes a lot of time. I've tried selling a few things on eBay, with disappointing results, but I've had great success giving things away using freecycle, a mailing list for offering and requesting free stuff. It has thousands of members, and so far almost everything I have put up there has been wanted by someone, usually by many people. A teakettle, a half-filled penny collection, a pitchpipe, old antenna wire, partly-used art supplies, etc. Amazing, and for a sentimental packrat like me who can't throw anything away, a godsend!

We've interviewed a couple of potential subletters, but our vagueness is a problem. People like to know how long the apartment will be available, which is reasonable, but it's hard for us to predict when we will be able/willing to commit to Canada, find a semi-permanent home, and move all our stuff.

10/24/07: What keeps us here?

2007-10-24T13:36:00.000-04:00

Three things now stand between us and making the transition to Canada: getting my mom settled, and closing down her apartment; subletting my apartment; and making an inventory of everything that we might want to take to Canada, now or later. I've accepted the invitation of my daughter in Yonkers for Thanksgiving, as I doubt that we'll be in a position to leave before then.

After a few days of emails back and forth, and a few tears, my sister and I were able to agree on a plan. Since I have been managing Mom's finances and keeping the records, I will continue to be the financial guarantor and take whatever risk there is (what if Mom is denied Medicaid when the time comes, that is, when she runs out of money in a year or so?). Margie will visit Mom at the nursing home very near her house and provide ongoing emotional support, along with my son and other relatives in Boston. I finished the nursing home application today and sent it off, hoping that it will be processed fairly quickly so that we can all move on. Mom's care at home is becoming increasingly difficult to manage with the equipment and staff we have been using.

Fumiko is now healthy, but is alternately restless and lethargic. She doesn't have many friends left in New York, and no legitimate occupation other than packing up stuff in the apartment, and I guess she had her fill of that already in Japan. We have been thinking of taking a trip to Canada so that she can get an idea of it -- she's never been there -- and we went so far as to make reservations for a cheap flight last night. But overnight I worried that a visit might actually make things worse -- no resolution of anything, can't actually get a job or an apartment right now, etc. This morning, Fumiko said that she could go to Toronto (and maybe Niagara Falls on the way) on her own and look around. If she goes by train (which she loves), she could just stay as long as she needs to, without making advance return reservations. This plan seemed to energize her, and it's fine with me. I have a lot to do here just now. So I canceled the air reservations, and I'll let her make arrangements.

Last week we went to see "Three Mo' Tenors" at the Little Shubert Theatre and both enjoyed it. We also watch a lot of TV, and Fumiko has gotten me addicted to sudoku puzzles! The apartment is still in complete chaos. We are putting a few things up for sale on eBay and see how they do.

10/18/07: Progress is very slow

2007-10-18T14:37:00.000-04:00

A progress report: My sister and I decided that it would be best to move Mom to a nursing home close to my sister in Boston. Mom is getting weaker, and it is clear that there needs to be a take-charge family member near her, wherever she is, which cannot be me. So, we have requested the necessary application forms to be sent to me, and are waiting. The n.h. in question cannot seem to give us much idea of how long it will take to admit (or reject) her -- "weeks or months," they say! Aiii. Under the current circumstances, I told the family that we'll most likely be here for Thanksgiving.

Fumiko is healthy now, and we have done a little sightseeing in New York City, and are working on clearing out the apartment of a few decades' accumulation of stuff. We're trying to sell some things on eBay, give away others via the freecyclenewyorkcity group, and donate to the gay center, the public library, and the electronics recycle site. But it's slow going, and the process tends to increase the clutter in the apartment geometrically, if only temporarily.

On Tuesday the phone broke (no dial tone), and on Wednesday they came to repair it. Seems the main connection is in the hall closet, behind about 30 pounds of stuff that we had to take out. So, that aided the general clear-out process. Almost 40 years I've been in this apartment, and I never knew that the phone connection was there. It's never broken before.

Subletting the apartment also proceeds slowly, or not at all. Since we don't know when we'll be leaving, or how long it will be that we'll want to hang on to it "just in case," the matter is vague, like everything else right now.

We did find out that the list of stuff to hand over to customs when we land can be suitably vague in most cases (500 pieces of clothing, 10 boxes of books, etc.). They're only fussy about electronics (show serial numbers, date of purchase) and jewelry (photos). And we also confirmed that we can go to Canada for a look-see without activating our visas. So in a few weeks maybe we'll get a cheap flight and visit for a few days. Fumiko has never been to Canada...

10/11/07: Visa in hand!

2007-10-11T17:56:00.001-04:00

Today, Fumiko's cold is almost gone, and she actually slept until 5:30 a.m. In the afternoon, we went downtown to the Canadian consulate and picked up our passports, with shiny new Canadian visas inside. Fumiko took hers out and gazed at it many times during the day. Legal at last! We have to activate the visas ("land") by 05/05/08 (probably the date of our physical exams). If they are not used by then, they expire, and we have to apply all over again. Not to worry, we'll be there!

Details for fellow emigrants: Actually, they handed me a very large manila envelope containing the two passports and:

a receipt for our last payment (dated 5/24/07)
two forms in triplicate, with our photos affixed, entitled Confirmation of Permanent Residence -- I was warned not to sign them until we land
a letter of instructions and warnings, some rather scary
a rather comprehensive booklet "A Newcomer's Introduction to Canada"
pamphlet "Residency Obligations for Permanent Residents"
pamphlet "Settling in Canada: Information on importing goods for people intending to settle in Canada" (Pub. RC4151 at http://www.cbsa.gc.ca/publications/pub/pubs-eng.html). This indicates that there will be a lot of paperwork involved in bringing all our "stuff" into Canada, and that any possessions we bring in will need to "age" a year in Canada before we can sell or give them away, or pay duty.

One of the scary warnings in the letter is: "We strongly advise that you carry with you all of your personal and professional papers such as birth and marriage certificates, school diplomas and letters of reference." The context seems to refer to the border crossing. How seriously should we take this? All of the forms and documents we sent with our application, in November 2005, ran to about 100 pages!

Well, anyway, we braved several rainstorms to buy some Japanese goodies to have a little treat-and-TV celebration, and splashed home.

10/10/07: What to do about Mom?

2007-10-11T12:22:00.001-04:00

Background: Eleanor has been supervising the care of her mother Vic, now 96 years old. Vic has short-term memory loss (like Alzheimer's) and really bad knees, but is otherwise healthy. Since a bad fall in December 2006, we have had a number of part-time people staying with her so that, in addition to her day center schedule, she is never alone. Vic lives in her own apartment on Manhattan's Upper East Side, a walk and a bus ride (or a short taxi ride) from Eleanor's apartment on the Upper West Side. Eleanor has been hoping to be able to continue this arrangement, avoiding the immediate need for institutional care, which we think will be hard on Vic, who has great trouble now learning new things (how to get from her bedroom to the dining room in a new place, for instance).

I guess my wish to continue her at home by remote control from Canada is not going to be doable. This morning she lost her balance getting out of the tub and hit her head, before the helper could catch her. Didn't fall all the way, since she was caught, but bumped her head and cut her elbow. Helper was upset, called me and asked if she should call an ambulance. I said no, I went there, let Mom sleep until 10. Woke her up, she drank orange juice, I discovered a cut on the elbow, bandaged it, then changed sheets because of the blood!

I called the doctor and he agreed (with me pushing hard in that direction) that if she showed no other symptoms than a bump which was painful to touch (no vomiting, dizziness, headaches, etc.), no need to go to emergency room for a CAT scan. Good. She had a big breakfast, didn't seem any different; she dressed, and I took her to the day center about noon.

So, I can probably get somebody who could stay with her from 8:30 on, after the overnight person goes to her day job, but it's hard to find someone who will take responsibility for making these medical decisions -- and then implementing them if the conservative go-to-the-hospital path is elected. Also, Mom is having more and more trouble walking, which makes caring for her more difficult. Currently, we mostly urge her along, but if/when she just refuses, I'm not sure what we'll do. The doctor says there are gadgets (machines?) that make lifiting her easier for the aides.

Also, this was hard on the heels of a fall last Saturday morning, again while the aide's head was momentarily turned. Apparently, she slipped off the edge of the bed where she was sitting, and took a lot of skin off her arm (her skin is very thin and fragile, and this often happens). So now there are two bandages to change! We'll have to be more vigilant now, but nobody can guarantee that we can eliminate all such accidents.

I'm really discouraged about this. I think I've just been dodging the reality. We've talked about taking her with us to Canada, but Medicare won't work there, and I don't know if immigration will accept her and/or allow her to have health care, and we don't even have a clear idea of where we're going at this point. I'll try asking about case managers here in New York, but maybe it's best if Mom goes into a nursing home near my sister in Boston.

10/8/07: Fumiko's body tries to catch up

2007-10-08T22:29:00.000-04:00

This is Monday night, and Fumiko has been not only jet-lagged, but sick with a bad cold, since Friday. She's avoided visiting my mother, not wanting to infect her, and though she joined me on Sunday to see a couple of sites during Open House New York (www.ohny.org), she's otherwise been sleeping around the clock, waking up occasionally to send email, cook, eat, and watch a little TV. Poor thing! She's made some yummy food, however -- that seems to be more fun for her than TV. Anyway, it's not really "real life" yet because of that, and so we haven't made any plans for our future yet. I've been breaking in two new helpers for my mom, and we've both been successful in getting rid of some old computer parts, disks, etc.

10/4/07: Submit passports for visa

2007-10-04T15:25:00.000-04:00

Thursday morning, I woke at 7 a.m. to hear Fumiko on the telephone with a friend in Japan (not to worry, I have a very cheap dial-around service). We decided to try for the Consulate today -- we can go 8:30 to 10:30, but we need to get photos before that. Left here about 8:30, went to CVS drug store, but they don't do different photos (specs for Canadian visa photos are different from those for US passports). To subway to go down to 48th Street, assuming we can find a photo store near the Consulate that knows the specs. However, my transit card wouldn't work! Expired, it says! I was frantic and made a lot of fuss, since I had just filled it yesterday, but the receipt was at home. I couldn't cope -- too many obstacles for one day -- and I stormed out toward home. There, I found the receipt, which showed that the transaction had not completed, so we went to the subway and I did it again, and we proceeded downtown once again, still had time.

Found a photo store (expensive, but you can't have everything), got the photos, and went to the consulate. There, it took only a few minutes to hand over the passports and photos and get back a little card that said to come back next Thursday between 2 and 3. Great! Well, we have already paid a lot of money and waited two years, so we certainly deserve not to have to cool our heels any more! Now I feel like we're really on our way!!

[Technical immigration note: The consulate asked if I had a letter from the attorney agreeing to let me pick up the visa directly in this manner, rather than through him. I said no, no one mentioned that -- not the lawyer, not the notification from Canada. They said no problem, they would call the lawyer. Neat! Later, I emailed our lawyer in Toronto about this and he said they asked him to send a letter for the record, even though it will probably arrive after we have picked up the visas. ]

It's so great to have Fumiko here! Since I'm not working, we can be together 24 hours a day if we want. After our victory over the forces of chaos (internal and external) this morning, we went to the Times Square Information Center to get a program for this weekend's Open House New York, some new bus and subway maps, and also found a few local Japanese newspapers for Fumiko. While there, we tried out their Internet cam and took our picture (see profile here) and mailed it to ourselves. Then, to 43rd Street where the Asian grocery Sam Bok used to be -- but the whole block is different, with skyscrapers going up on the south side of the street and (apparently) rents going up on the north side -- no Sam Bok, and no one to ask.

On to the Japanese block on 41st Street off Fifth -- a Japanese bakery-cafe, book store, and grocery store, where we loaded up. Then home, feeling like it's been a day well spent, and not yet noon!

10/3/07: Back together

2007-10-04T14:42:00.000-04:00

Fumiko arrived on schedule on Tuesday, with a huge suitcase, huge duffel bag, smaller tote bag, and backpack. She splurged on a cab from JFK to 95th St. ($60). The apartment almost immediately exploded, with stuff lying in every room in disarray. She showed me presents (to her, from myriad friends and associates in Japan who will miss her), and dug out clothes, vitamins, toothbrush, etc. Her last days were apparently a whirlwind, so she just threw things in every which way.

Though she was tired, she wanted a celebratory dinner, so we went to our favorite restaurant, Saigon Grill, and had whole sea bass with crunchy skin, Bun Xao noodles, and wine. Ate it all and staggered home, stopping to do a little grocery shopping. At home, I soon discovered that I had lost my coin purse (again!). Never found it. About 15 bucks, I think, but it's always a little crazy-making, makes me feel I'm disintegrating.

She didn't sleep much Tuesday night, but finished her thriller novel. Wednesday morning, we began with computers. I wanted to use her old computer to get stuff off my old Zip and Jaz drives, which no longer work with any of my computers. So we started it up, solving each problem as it came up. We tried to get her Windows laptop to work with my old printer (which recently lost its Ethernet connection and is working off a kluge-y parallel-to-USB cable). She unpacked things, and sorted through stuff in a cabinet that she left here. I made a pile of broken electronics for a recycle event next Monday.

About noon Fumiko fell asleep on the couch while channel-surfing the television. I tiptoed around her, had lunch, went for a run, took a shower, dealt with email, had dinner, etc. She woke up about 5:30 and decided to go with me to a film showing downtown. They served snacks, and Fumiko accidentally splashed red wine on my favorite comfy tan slacks -- I lost the first hour of the movie stewing about this, but eventually recovered. At home, she called Tokyo to check in with her sister, who had had an important doctor's appointment that day, and she managed to cancel some very expensive medical insurance she had bought at Narita for a year abroad -- she was apparently not aware that there is free health care in Canada! That night she slept from 12 to 5 a.m.

10/2/07: Fumiko arrives!

2007-10-02T14:39:00.000-04:00

Fumiko is arriving today! I have cleaned the house, emtied her side of the closet, and put some rice to cook. She's just closed up her life in Tokyo, where she has been for three and a half years (since January 2004, but here for the summer of 2004). It must be hard for her to do this. She's been shipping stuff here by seamail, but still not cheap. I wonder if she remembers how much of her stuff is still here from before...

I've been avoiding doing much about the transition to Canada, waiting for her to join me here and participate in these decisions. Even fairly trivial ones, like what to throw away, is hard for me, it seems -- or perhaps I'm just using this as an excuse to avoid unpleasant stuff. Since I retired three months ago, I have done some reorganizing (new file cabinet, etc.) and throwing out. But not nearly enough. There are mountains of books, papers, clothing, household bric-a-brac to deal with.