After a few days of icy relations (and, on my side, fear that I would have to reorient my entire life), we ironed things out and, soon after, decided to make the leap. We got air tickets for Monday, January 7, 2008. The apartment situation here is unresolved: it seems clear now that I can only sublet at the much higher rent ($2500 or so over my current rent), and that if the subtenant defaults, I myself would be liable for this higher rent until/unless I go to court to have the matter resolved. Expensive. So, I will plan to go back and forth for a while (to establish that I still live here) and possibly get a short-term house-sitter. But, I have to cross the border and "land" before Fumiko can do so, so we'll do that on the 7th.
The apartment is only very slowly getting organized after the influx of stuff from my mom's apartment. We're having a few people for dinner on 12/24, so we have to clean up before then! Fumiko is also under pressure to divide her stuff into "take now" and "take later" piles. Since I'll be coming and going, I can postpone most of those decisions. I'm still agonizing about the inventory list to hand in at the Canadian border. Best opinion says it's no big deal, but I'm having nightmares of being sent back because of some inadequacy there. Also, I'm starting to think about matters Canadian, mainly a bank account and a cell phone.
I had a tooth pulled and five filled, had MRI and x-ray of a troublesome ankle (twisted last April and still weak), and will now start physical therapy for it. The follow-up appointments alone mean that I will need to return a few times to New York.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
12/12/07: More trouble
Yesterday, my real estate lawyer finally reported in. He's been exchanging phone messages with the landlord for three weeks, and yesterday the agent called to say that the sublet would not be at my very low rent but at some "official" market-level rent, 3 or 4 times my rate. This is alarming, and probably not legal, but the situation is complicated by various layers of recent rulings and agreements that no one understands completely. I will get our tenants' association lawyer to talk to my lawyer about it. I also got a call from one of our potential subtenants (two roommates had applied) to say that her situation has changed and she is withdrawing. There is a new roommate proposed, but she and the other roommate have never met. Not to mention that our apartment at the moment is in no condition to be viewed!
In the wake of these events (and having just had our celebratory wine), Fumiko and I had a big fight. We've had a rocky time lately, actually, with moments of good feeling and cooperation heavily larded with spiteful and angry exchanges. I'm hoping that this is just the stress of the situation, but we've had these times before. The only time that we didn't was during the years that we lived in Japan. I'm hoping that Canada will be like Japan, not like the U.S. (or Mexico or Guatemala). But if we can't live together peacefully there, I want to be able to come back to my apartment in New York. During this particular fight, Fumiko said that she has given up her situation in Japan and that it's not fair that I should keep mine. I should get rid of a lot of my stuff and give up the apartment, she said. I wonder, if we broke up, would she stay in Canada or go back to Japan? We'll have to talk.
In the wake of these events (and having just had our celebratory wine), Fumiko and I had a big fight. We've had a rocky time lately, actually, with moments of good feeling and cooperation heavily larded with spiteful and angry exchanges. I'm hoping that this is just the stress of the situation, but we've had these times before. The only time that we didn't was during the years that we lived in Japan. I'm hoping that Canada will be like Japan, not like the U.S. (or Mexico or Guatemala). But if we can't live together peacefully there, I want to be able to come back to my apartment in New York. During this particular fight, Fumiko said that she has given up her situation in Japan and that it's not fair that I should keep mine. I should get rid of a lot of my stuff and give up the apartment, she said. I wonder, if we broke up, would she stay in Canada or go back to Japan? We'll have to talk.
12/11/07: Goodbye to Mom's home
For two weeks, we've done not much besides emptying Mom's apartment. Like an archeological site, we peeled off the layers: stuff in daily use, stuff packed away for the past decade or so, stuff left over from even before that. Hard to believe there could be so much in one three-room apartment.
I have this problem about throwing out stuff, so it was harder than it might have been for a normal person (like Fumiko, just to take one example). The pile was slowly reduced, and we went every day to sort, give away, rearrange, and clean up. On almost the last day, I suddenly "saw" the full-length mirror attached to the inside of a closet door, and quickly found a home for that on freecycle. I took down the spice racks, the pencil sharpener, the picture hooks, etc.
On what we thought would be the last day, a high-end charity came with a truck to take away a bunch of things, but they rejected the dining room table, which I had been unable to sell. It was not "resalable," they said. Well, the top surface has a few bad places, but it's a very large, strong table. Seemed really useful to me. Anyway, we extended our effort for another day, hoping to find someone who wanted it for free. Despite a few inquiries, no one could pick it up right now, so I finally caved. The superintendent said we could just leave it there, so on Tuesday afternoon I formally vacated the apartment, abandoning the table.
The process itself was not painful for me, as some have kindly suggested, aside from an attack of nostalgia from time to time. Actually saying goodbye to the apartment brought a few tears, however, as I remembered how happy Mom had been here for 40 years, with its stupendous view from the 34th floor, and how hard I have worked for the past four years to enable her to stay here.
As an experience, emptying the apartment was interesting. It's not like actual moving, where you just decide what remains part of this collection of stuff, and then transport the collection to a new space. Here, the collection as an entity is terminated, and each item has to be dealt with individually (or did, with me...). I wanted to "find a good home" for each thing, and we largely succeeded. Very very little actually got trashed.
Returning home with our last load, we looked back on two weeks of ferrying things from Mom's apartment on the East Side to ours on the West Side. Arriving home each night, we are appalled at the mess we have created. There hasn't been time to unpack the boxes and store away the contents, so our apartment has become a warehouse with narrow aisles threading through. We had a celebratory glass of wine and sighed, putting off until tomorrow the next cleanup project.
I've also been catching up with doctor and dentist appointments, preparatory to diving into the Canadian health care system. Point A, we have a three-month waiting period before we can take advantage of that system; point B, I have good insurance here that can't be transferred, including dental insurance.
I have this problem about throwing out stuff, so it was harder than it might have been for a normal person (like Fumiko, just to take one example). The pile was slowly reduced, and we went every day to sort, give away, rearrange, and clean up. On almost the last day, I suddenly "saw" the full-length mirror attached to the inside of a closet door, and quickly found a home for that on freecycle. I took down the spice racks, the pencil sharpener, the picture hooks, etc.
On what we thought would be the last day, a high-end charity came with a truck to take away a bunch of things, but they rejected the dining room table, which I had been unable to sell. It was not "resalable," they said. Well, the top surface has a few bad places, but it's a very large, strong table. Seemed really useful to me. Anyway, we extended our effort for another day, hoping to find someone who wanted it for free. Despite a few inquiries, no one could pick it up right now, so I finally caved. The superintendent said we could just leave it there, so on Tuesday afternoon I formally vacated the apartment, abandoning the table.
The process itself was not painful for me, as some have kindly suggested, aside from an attack of nostalgia from time to time. Actually saying goodbye to the apartment brought a few tears, however, as I remembered how happy Mom had been here for 40 years, with its stupendous view from the 34th floor, and how hard I have worked for the past four years to enable her to stay here.
As an experience, emptying the apartment was interesting. It's not like actual moving, where you just decide what remains part of this collection of stuff, and then transport the collection to a new space. Here, the collection as an entity is terminated, and each item has to be dealt with individually (or did, with me...). I wanted to "find a good home" for each thing, and we largely succeeded. Very very little actually got trashed.
Returning home with our last load, we looked back on two weeks of ferrying things from Mom's apartment on the East Side to ours on the West Side. Arriving home each night, we are appalled at the mess we have created. There hasn't been time to unpack the boxes and store away the contents, so our apartment has become a warehouse with narrow aisles threading through. We had a celebratory glass of wine and sighed, putting off until tomorrow the next cleanup project.
I've also been catching up with doctor and dentist appointments, preparatory to diving into the Canadian health care system. Point A, we have a three-month waiting period before we can take advantage of that system; point B, I have good insurance here that can't be transferred, including dental insurance.
Monday, December 3, 2007
12/03/07: Emptying Mom's apartment
Life lately has been completely saturated with Things. Furniture, clothing, dishes, etc., etc. It took 3 days for me and Fumiko to clear out all the closets and cupboards, and to arrange everything for maximum sale. Each day, we trek over to Mom's apartment, and each evening we come back to our own apartment, which is almost as cluttered!
On Friday night, my son and daughter and daughter-in-law came over to help with pricing. We really appreciated their help, as Fumiko and I were a little bleary-eyed (not sleeping well lately), and we also enjoyed their company, a Chinese take-out dinner, and the incredible night view from the 34th floor out over the East River and all of Queens.
The sale the next day, Saturday 12-5, was successful. I posted signs around the neighborhood, in addition to several notices on electronic bulletin boards. We took in about $600 and got rid of a lot of stuff, but at the end there was still a lot left! So, I guess I'll spend a good deal of this week packing and sending to charities, etc., as well as negotiating pickups through the freight elevator process here. A few items I can't bear to throw out or give away I'm listing on eBay at high starting prices. Obviously, despite my good intentions to be practical, even ruthless, in getting rid of stuff, I've gotten caught up in the process...
Sister Margie reports that Mom is settling in well at her new home in Boston, and seems to be happy there. For her own part, Margie is energetically taking charge of the many little details needed to support and cushion Mom's daily life. Nothing I need to worry about there!
On another front, the real estate lawyer is still trying to make meaningful contact with my landlord's representative to get formal permission to sublet. It's been about two weeks now, which includes a week off (on both sides?) for Thanksgiving.
On Friday night, my son and daughter and daughter-in-law came over to help with pricing. We really appreciated their help, as Fumiko and I were a little bleary-eyed (not sleeping well lately), and we also enjoyed their company, a Chinese take-out dinner, and the incredible night view from the 34th floor out over the East River and all of Queens.
The sale the next day, Saturday 12-5, was successful. I posted signs around the neighborhood, in addition to several notices on electronic bulletin boards. We took in about $600 and got rid of a lot of stuff, but at the end there was still a lot left! So, I guess I'll spend a good deal of this week packing and sending to charities, etc., as well as negotiating pickups through the freight elevator process here. A few items I can't bear to throw out or give away I'm listing on eBay at high starting prices. Obviously, despite my good intentions to be practical, even ruthless, in getting rid of stuff, I've gotten caught up in the process...
Sister Margie reports that Mom is settling in well at her new home in Boston, and seems to be happy there. For her own part, Margie is energetically taking charge of the many little details needed to support and cushion Mom's daily life. Nothing I need to worry about there!
On another front, the real estate lawyer is still trying to make meaningful contact with my landlord's representative to get formal permission to sublet. It's been about two weeks now, which includes a week off (on both sides?) for Thanksgiving.
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